Immersing into Imagination: Chapter One (based of my poem Crystal Castle)

Submitted by Maddi on Tue, 10/16/2012 - 05:50

I know this needs serious editing, but please bear with me.

***

She knew it was true.

She knew because she had seen it herself. It lay there, in full view, half slipping of the kitchen bench. The screaming headlines stood out in bold print. “Mother disappeared into thin air,” they read. Her daddy looked up, his eyes filled with sorrow and fresh tears started anew, streaking down his well-worn face.

“She’s gone,” he said, “Gone for good.”

***

Elise rolled onto her stomach. English, chemistry and geometry floated around in her head, making her feel dizzy. She sighed heavily. Elise’s best friend, Camilla, interrupted these dismal thoughts.

“Oh Elise, take a chill-pill. You will get all those subjects done before school begins, I promise. I’ll even be back in time to help you with some.”

Elise groaned. “Oh, PUH-lease, don’t remind me. Why do you have to go away?”

Camilla bounced up on the bed beside Elise. Her wavy blonde hair and bright blue baby eyes could have guaranteed her first place at a beauty contest. She put her arm around Elise’s slender waist and gave her a comforting look.

“I know this is hard on you. But, there’s no way out of it. Besides, you’ve got your dad, Blake, and then there’s our other friend’s from school.”

“I know, but I’ll still miss you, Mil.”

Camilla through back her head and giggled. “You’d better miss me, or otherwise I might think there’s something seriously wrong with you!”

***

Elise tuned into the loud speaker: “Flight 73 now boarding.”
She turned around to face her best friend, Camilla Downs.

“Have a good time in Bali.” She managed to mumble.

“Hey,” Camilla looked deep into her friend’s eyes. “It’ll only be two weeks; we’ll be back in time before school starts. I’ll miss you, Lisi,” she picked up her bags and joined the queue for Flight 73. She kept waving until she had rounded the corner, out of sight.

Elise turned around to face Blake, who was driving her back home. He put his arm around her shoulders as they walked out of the air port towards the car park. He didn’t say anything; he just let her sort out her own be muddled thoughts.

Elise threw herself down on her bed. Pushing all the upsetting thoughts from her mind, she ran her finger along one of the cracks in the walls. I’m lucky, she reflected. Born and raised in this house; never had the troubles or worries of moving. I’ve got a dad who loves me dearly. A best friend who means everything me. A boyfriend who cares about me. I’ve got everything. Everything. Except—except a mother’s love.

Elise sat up abruptly. A pang of pain sprang from her heart. What happened to her? Where did she go? Elise buried her head with her hands. If she was even still alive. Why—?

She got of the bed, opened the wardrobe door and shut herself in. Slumping against the wall, she let her heart out. She cried. And cried.

Author's age when written
14
Genre
Tags
Notes

If anyone could think up a better headline for the newspaper, that'd be great. Specail thanks to Lucy for urging me to write a story based on my poem "Crystal Castle". Thanks Lucy! Please comment and let me know what you think. :)

Comments

Great job! I want to know more. The last three paragraphs were my favorite. Also, I really like her thoughts. Keep it up!

Oh and yes, it's a great headline, don't change it. :)

"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wow, this is really interesting. There is some great potential in this story, and I can't wait to see what happens. :)

See him with his books:
Tree beside the brooks,
Drinking at the root
Till the branch bear fruit.
See him with his pen:
Written line, and then,
Better thought preferred,
Deep from in the Word.
~John Piper

This is a very interesting story. I can't wait to hear more!

"Even if the sun crashes into earth, I won't let go, I won't let go. I can be your light, stay with me tonight, I won't let go, I won't let go."

Thanks girls! One of my greatest goals is to make people want to read more. I think that is an essential skill to have to write a good read. Lucy--thanks! I'm not very good at doing headlines anyway.

And thanks to Elizabeth and Susannah for the wonderful encouragement. :)

P.S. I forgot to mention that at the top (when it's in italics) that that was some yrs before when Elise is talking to Camilla on her bed. Whoops :)

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

I only just now got to reading this story -- I loved this!! It was really, really good and I'm off to read the rest! :)
Have you finished it already, or are you still in the process of writing it?

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths

P.S
Go to my blog and follow it: Sarahanneandrews.wordpress.com
:) for my sake, follow

Thanks!! I feel a bit ashamed--only now am I learning to elaborate more on my characters and scenes. :) And also, I am re-writing chapter eight. You can read the old one if you want, (which is on here) but just FYI it is getting re-written! Thanks for reading!

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh