I should be simple and cute
My natural default
And be the sweet girl everybody thinks I am
But sometimes I want to rebel against that boundary
Do something different,
Change from being the same old, same old
Me
Just come with me
We’ll dress up like hipsters
Be brats with braids
Be wary, so ever wary
Don't upset me
You'll be paying for it
Maybe bohemian would suit me better
Have a free spirit and run through fields of daisies
Wear my hair out and thread beads in it
Sew hippie things
I know I could rock classy
And be that girl with the pop of colour
But it would only work out for
The day
Because surely they’d be judging me again
I feel like yelling, screaming
I want to be my own person
Your views don’t have to be mine
I can respect them from a distance
I just want to be me
Perfectly and imperfectly me
Without a default
Loving comments at the moment...:)
Comments
:)
Thankyou :D I love how you convey how excited you are with all those exclamation marks...creates a funny image ;)
Haha....really, Kassady? Emo? Hmm, no I guess I've never felt like that :)
And thanks again for commenting!!
Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh
I liked this! (sorry, I've
I liked this! (sorry, I've been absent from comments for a while--I shall get to Not Perfect soon, I promise!) The only thing this lacked was a distinct rhythm, though that may just be how I'm reading it. Also, I really liked this stanza, up until the consume chocolate, dairy because it threw me off:
Just come with me
We’ll dress up like hipsters
Be brats with braids
Consume chocolate, dairy
Sounds good to me
It seemed like dairy didn't have much place in it, like it was kind of just there to rhyme. Since you said hipsters, I might run with them theme there--be brats with braids/be wary/of anything not as cool as we/are. That's just one of the possibilities that popped into my head off the bat. You can play around with the length of the lines a bit too. There's some leeway there that would still allow for a flow.
I really love that brats with braids line, though. I do.
Also, every bit of this is just awesome:
Maybe bohemian would suit me better
Have a free spirit and run through fields of daisies
Wear my hair out and thread beads in it
Sew hippie things
The wording, the vibe--I could just picture everything you were describing so perfectly. I really loved what you did in that stanza. My favorite line being sew hippie things for whatever reason. :)
Also--and this is slightly off topic--I just love the European spelling (even though Australia is not European)--meaning colour and whatnot. Haha! I wish America would adopt it. :P Just adds so much character to the words. Anyway! Back to your poem--
Also love the just come with me bit. This has a feel of it almost being rallying. Like you can just imagine you getting all these people hyped up to try these different things, to fall into these stereotypes.
Can't say I've ever particularly felt like I wanted to change my whole image, but I've had the back-of-my-mind nagging that wonders if I dye a stripe of my hair a different color, does that mean I'm falling into the rebel/too cool for school/"different" group of kids? Or if I like the look of combat boots, does that make me them, too? So on and so forth.
Anyway, wow--this is a long comment! haha! But anyway, good job. :) If you wanted to tweak it, though, I would mess with the rhythm. Rhyming would help if if you left the rhythm as is, but I think changing the flow would allow for some leeway there.
-Homey :)
:D
Arh! Such a long comment, brings joy to my heart! *clasps hands to heart*
Thankyou so much for that...I was having real trouble with that stanza; the reason it was like that, actually, was because...I was out camping with my best friend, and we were being brats eating chocolate, listening to a song that mentioned hipsters, and idk, the chocolate was just plain dairy.
But, anyway, I didn't like it like that, but decided to post anyway, and *bam* someone comes to critique it for me! Yay! So thankyou, I will edit :)
Haha...European spelling? That made me smile.
NO!! Don't ever feel like you're "becoming one of them". The whole thing with stereotypes is that...IT ISN'T FLIPPING FAIR. People associate things with people, how they dress, how they talk, how they do their hair, do they have tatts, piercings, dreads....whatever. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. Yeah, not saying you should just go out and "look" like the street kids, I guess...but, don't be afraid of being stereotyped. I'm posting some poems on that too, soon as I get the time.
Hehe, I like combat boots too :)
So, yes thankyou for that looooong comment! Mine is getting rather long as well, so I think I'll stop saying thankyous and end it ;)
Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh
OMG!!!
OMG, I TOTALLY FEEL THE SAME WAY!!!!! Well... I mean, I felt the same way a while ago. I kind of moved on past that when I realized that I'm not as good girl as I thought I was :P Or... maybe I just excepted that I was a good girl... or something :P Haha!
I love this!!! TOTALLY love! I love the bit about the Rock style and how it would only work for a day, because then people would judge again, LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!!!
You know for like... a tiny bit, I thought it would be fun to go Goth or Emo. The thought of an Emo cheerleader made me laugh, haha!
Love this! Love the wording and the expression in it. Great job! Want to read more!!!!
"Here's looking at you, Kid"
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Write On!