There is actually a story to go with this poem; I had this idea for a story, and then this book said I should write a poem about my idea. So I did! But, um, its not actually a poem, its more like a really short story written in poem style.
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Elise flung herself down, wondering what to do;
Then imagination sprung with its magic.
Mermaids and dolphins, bubbly laughter
Emerging from the inner souls and lips.
Exquisite little fish, alluring their prey
From the pearly coral.
Twilight spreads its dusky mist over the fantasy world,
Except for under the turquoise of the sea.
There is a melodious hubbub,
As the sea folk go about their amusing business.
Their way is lit by tiny glow worms
Who share their magical gleam with the underwater world,
Even when in the deepest of deep.
A castle stands in the middle of this dominion.
The mer-folks crystal castle.
A crystal castle with secrets beyond
The seashell walls.
Thanks a lot to the people who have been following my Sam story and commenting. It means a lot to have encouragement; a special thanks to Lucy who has been my private grammar editor! Kidding... and to Homey who has been my motivator with all the positive comments. Thanks guys!
Comments
This is really pretty! The
This is really pretty!
The only thing I would critique is this sentence: Except for under the bluey blueness of the sea.
That's redundant. The sea is already blue so I don't think you should describe the sea as blue.
Haha, I laughed when you said -- "a special thanks to Lucy who has been my private grammar editor! Kidding..." in the notes section. Your very welcome! I hope I've been helpful. :)
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks Girls!
Lucy: Yes, I agree with you, Megan (do you mind calling me that?). I hesitated, but I thought it sounded cool...in a sense. Now I've just got to think of something else to put there. :D Oh, and I'm sorry if the comment I just posted on My Testimony made you a bit upset...I'm not very fluent in writing discussion/debate sides, anyway.
Sarah: Thanks :D I tried to rhyme it at the beginning, but it didn't work out for the rest of the poem.
Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh
: )
I reread this and just realized that you said you have a story in mind. I would LOVE! for you to write it because it sounds interesting. Please?
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Oh...I dunno. I've got a
Oh...I dunno. I've got a writer's block at the moment, actually. But I might, since I'm not doing Sam story anymore. :) Thanks for the encouragement!
P.S. I haven't yet changed the line about the bluey-blueness. I decided that I just couldn't think of another way to put it. (maybe it's that writer's block...)
EDIT: Actually, no I will change it. I just realised how really lame it sounded.
Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh
Haha, Lucy, I got really
Haha, Lucy, I got really excited about this story! Thanks to you, my writers block is *BAM* gone!!! I've just submitted the first chapter.:D
Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh
Hey!
I can't believe I haven't read this! It was very descriptive and I can't wait to start reading your story!
This is my FAVORITE part:
There is a melodious hubbub,
As the sea folk go about their amusing business.
Their way is lit by tiny glow worms
Who share their magical gleam with the underwater world,
Even when in the deepest of deep.
Great job!!!
"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!
Thats really nice! I like it
Thats really nice! I like it a lot, although there were no rhymes, I liked it that way :)
Love,
Sarah
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths
P.S
Go to my blog and follow it: Sarahanneandrews.wordpress.com
:) for my sake, follow