Hello all! As some of you might have noticed, I have been absent from AP and all of the internet for awhile now. My family are out of power from Hurricane Sandy (today marks a week) that swept through our place. We have no heat, no stoves, no lights, etc. So my sisters and I are staying at our grandparents' place right now since it is sooo cold at our house. This is what I wrote while watching Hurricane Sandy rage outside the window last Monday. I just want to thank you! If it weren't for all of you AP-ers, I would have never wrote this poem or any at all! Tell me what you think. Criticism is appreciated. God Bless! Megan
p.s. Could anyone tell me why I have 21 comments I could use???? Is anyone else having this--is this just a new option or something is wrong?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mystery red glow lights the sky
Where the moaning, whistling wind
Thrusts a frisbee clump of leaves
Slapping wires in glee to see
Yellow windows blacken as fast
As if in the turning of a key.
The key persists to unlock others
And so it releases rumbling thunder
Armies of confetti thrown leaves--
Bumping and dancing east
Sparkles of ring 'round rosy red yellow sirens
And much, much more tyrants.
Yet admist these troubling tyrants
A house full of family stands mighty
With love, trust, candles, laughter
For they will not tremble from rollin' thunder
Eerie dark houses, nor even blunder 'cause
They know He'll keep them in His wings under.
Comments
Thank you!
You've made my day! Thank you for praying. About being back to AP, I'm not really back. I'm just going to check once in awhile and then, when we all get home, I'll comment on some essays and fiction that I have read already. But I just don't have the time to right now. :)
And since I got here, the comment limit each week has always been 18. So I was surprised when I came back after a week that I have so much! So is it permanently 21?
Is the mistake a missing comma?
EDIT: We are blessed to have been safe. Our tree did not fall on us. :) And oops! I did not realize I posted this under fiction. Sorry!
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson
I thought that it had been
I thought that it had been 21 for about a year, at the least 3 months.
"Are" sould be "is" in the second sentence.
"My greatest wish for my writing is that it would point you to the Savior."
Hmm
Hmm...then I guess you've been having more comments than me.
And I don't think I would have caught that mistake very soon. (I don't really count my intros as the essay so I don't look as carefully, but thanks for correcting. :)
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson
Lucy--wow. The devastation
Lucy--wow. The devastation there is incredible. (And not in a good way). Glad you're safe!! And thanks for taking the time to share with us during everything as well.
As for the poem itself, it was pretty good. You're really descriptive. I loved these lines:
Yellow windows blacken as fast
As if in the turning of a key.
The key persists to unlock others
And so it releases rumbling thunder
That was a smart metaphor. (Gah! Is that the word, or analogy? I am the worst when it comes to those two). The rhythm was maybe a little bit off in some places, but then that might be my fault if I'm not reading it correctly.
You did a great job! Hope to see you back here soon!
Good poem! I'm glad that your
Good poem! I'm glad that your family's okay. My uncle lives up in New Jersey. He just got his power back yesterday. Hope that y'all get yours back soon!
"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond
I really appreciate your comments.
Thank you, you two! :) We STILL did not get it yet. A friend of ours lost her electricity from Sandy and regained it a few days after. But guess what; yesterday she lost it again : from the Northeaster! Not funny. At all.
HomeschoolGirl: Could you tell me where it is off?? Thanks so much.
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson
I like this, especially the
I like this, especially the last stanza. The line "And much, much more tyrants" puzzled me a little, though. Perhaps you mean "many, many more"? Another thing is that I love the quality of 'round, rollin', and 'cause, but I'd like the dialect even more if it was consistent throughout the poem (such as dropping the other g's in -ings). :)
Stay safe!
I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right. --The Book Thief
:)
Thank you, Anna, SO much!
"It is not the length of life, but the depth of life." Ralph Waldo Emerson
I love it!
this is beautiful, Megan. I am so glad that your family was safe.
With Arthur, I like the last line the best, although all of it was simply lovely.
God bless you!
I don’t thrive off of chaos: chaos thrives off of me.
I suspected it.
I don't know why, but I thought that Sandy might have affected your family. I do hope that you family is safe, and I will be praying for you.
First, I have to say that the third verse was the best:
Yet admist these troubling tyrants
A house full of family stands mighty
With love, trust, candles, laughter
Then:
For they will not tremble from rollin' thunder
Eerie dark houses, nor even blunder 'cause
They know He'll keep them in His wings under.
About the 21 comments; everyone has 21 comments, and 2 posts. It has been that way, I think, since before I joined. (Although James brought the number of comments from 17 to 21 when he became admin) Maybe you've just never noticed it before. The way it works is when you make a comment on something, one of your comment "points" is taken away, and you do not regain it until a week is past.
Anyway, I'm glad your back!
EDT: One more thing, in your introduction you have a petty mistake. I'm sure that you can find it. :)
"My greatest wish for my writing is that it would point you to the Savior."