Author's Note: A couple of things about this episode; it was actually written first, after an afternoon of playing with my younger brothers and our LEGOs. The whole scenario took place in our living room, which is why furniture is referenced in this particular script.

Planet Wars
Episode II: Attack of the Froggie

(Voice) It is a time of turmoil for the galaxy—again. General Grievous and his minions, having recovered from the effects of the Temper Tantrum of Vapor-Us Doom, are once again attempting to conquer the galaxy. Yet there is a more dangerous thing than the Bad Guy Army, and it lurks on the surface of the planet below...

Act 1, Scene 1. The Introductory Menace.

(Enter Bad Guys. CAPTAIN begins the introductions.)

CAPTAIN: I am honored this day to present to you the very best of fighters. The cream of the crop, you could say. Ah, lest the suspense be too much for you, I shall dispense with the listing of his many medals and awards. I would name his titles and various great feats, but it would be far too long to tell. So, I present to you, the Captain of the magnificent Bad Guy Army—me! Please, don’t hesitate to applaud.
(Chorus of boos follows.)
CAPTAIN: Thank you very much for that kind welcome. Now, next in the list of introductions is my glorious leader, General Grievous. He has led us to victory after victory, so please, give him a warm welcome—or else he might chop off your head.
(Chorus of boos.)
CAPTAIN: Next is the General’s right hand man, Darth Vader. He really doesn’t do much, so I don’t care how you welcome him. I still don’t understand why the General likes him better than me. It doesn’t make sense. I’m the one with the brains, with the looks, with the coolest fighting moves. I do so much more...
(Voice from offstage.)
ASTELLA: Will you get on with it already? We’re still waiting our turn for introductions.
CAPTAIN: Hmph. Oh, very well. Please welcome Darth Vader.
(Chorus of half-hearted boos.)
CAPTAIN: I now present to you the Minions of our glorious army; A, X, and Seven. I won’t bother to introduce you to the Henchmen, since they don’t have names anyway.
(Chorus of boos. All Bad Guys except CAPTAIN leave. Heroes enter; FERDINAND has a motorcycle.)
CAPTAIN: Here are the Heroes. They’re nothing special, but for some reason they always win. I haven’t been able to figure it out yet. Anyway, I present to you Obi-Wan Kenobi. Please boo him loudly.
(Chorus of cheers and vigorous applause.)
CAPTAIN: Next is Anakin Skywalker, former apprentice of Obi-Wan, and twice as annoying. Please boo twice as loudly.
(Applause and cheers.)
CAPTAIN: Now we have the lesser Heroes; Ferdinand, Astella, Alexandra, Falcon, Valor, Jackie, and the Walker. Please award them with a round of boos.
(Applause)
CAPTAIN: Now let the hostilities commence!
(Exit all.)

Act 1, Scene 2. Attack of the Henchmen.

(Bad Guy Army encampment. CAPTAIN is trying to ready the HENCHMEN.)

CAPTAIN: No, no, no! You’re supposed to stand up straight! Don’t you realize you need to uphold the honor of the Bad Guy Army?
HENCHMAN: I thought Bad Guys didn’t have honor. Aren’t we supposed to be nasty people who kill prisoners?
CAPTAIN: Did I give you permission to speak?! Henchmen don’t speak unless they’re spoken to.
HENCHMAN: But you did speak to me, Captain, sir. You asked...
CAPTAIN: Just shut up! And straighten up, will you? You call yourselves Henchmen? You ought to be ashamed! When the General comes by to inspect you just before the battle, you’d better be ready! General Grievous doesn’t like slouching, on parade or on the battlefield!
(Henchmen straighten up.)

(Heroes encampment. FALCON, ALEXANDRA, VALOR, and JACKIE are standing around waiting for the fighting to start.)

FALCON: You know, the thing I really hate about fighting here is an old legend that warns of making too much noise in this area.
JACKIE: What’s going to happen? A ghost will jump out and say “boo”?
FALCON (lowering his voice): Not at all. Merely a dangerous and deadly creature named...
VALOR: Boogeyman?
FALCON: You know, I’m actually serious about this. No, it’s called...Mr. Froggie.
ALEXANDRA: Mr. Froggie? Falcon, have you been...eating or drinking anything unusual?
FALCON: Will you quit laughing at me? This is serious stuff. Mr. Froggie is a giant frog that can use the Force.
VALOR: Now I know you’ve been into something. A giant frog that can use the Force? Hah!
(FALCON walks away, muttering.)
(Enter THE WALKER)
THE WALKER: What was Falcon talking about? I heard him grumbling about people who won’t believe anything they haven’t seen.
JACKIE: He told us about some legend about a giant frog that can use the Force.
THE WALKER: A what? (starts laughing) Where did he hear about that?
ALEXANDRA: He didn’t say. But he said it was called Mr. Froggie.
THE WALKER (still laughing): Oh, that’s hysterical! Mr. Froggie!
(Walks away, laughing.)

Act 1, Scene 3. The Revenge of Mr. Froggie.

(The armies face each across an empty space of carpet.)

GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Follow me, Minions and Henchmen! I will lead you to a glorious victory!
DARTH VADER: Excuse me, General, but how do the Captain and I fit in there? We’re not Minions or Henchmen.
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Shut up! I wasn’t talking to you two anyway.
CAPTAIN: Actually, Vader, I think you fit in as a Henchman quite well.
DARTH VADER: You can show that you’re not a Minion or a Henchman by leading the attack.
(DARTH VADER picks up CAPTAIN and throws him across the battlefield. CAPTAIN screams the whole way.)
OBI-WAN: Attack!
GENERAL GRIEVOUS (to VADER): What did you do that for? I wasn’t done with my speech. Oh, well. ATTACK!
(The armies move forward and start fighting. For some reason, DARTH VADER and ANAKIN end up on top of the chair. They duel for a little while. ANAKIN tries to jump and land on VADER [head-first], but misses.)
DARTH VADER: No, no! You do it like this.
(VADER tries to jump and land head-first even harder on ANAKIN. He misses and bangs his head worse than ANAKIN banged his.)
DARTH VADER: O...okay, not quite like that. More like this.
(VADER lunges at ANAKIN and goes off the edge of the chair. ANAKIN laughs and jumps down to duel more with him.)
(OBI-WAN and GENERAL GRIEVOUS are fighting on a raised area.)
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: You will fall, Obi-Wan!
OBI-WAN: Oh, yeah? (Shoves GENERAL GRIEVOUS off of raised area. There is a loud thump. OBI-WAN jumps and looks at the chair. Another loud thump follows.)
OBI-WAN: I have a bad feeling about this.
FALCON: Mr. Froggie?!
(A giant inflatable frog appears on the chair.)
MR. FROGGIE: Ribbit, ribbit! I am Mr. Froggie. You will all die! (Mr. Froggie jumps off the chair and floats down [swinging back and forth]. HENCHMEN and MINIONS fall on their faces in terror.)
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: I will show you that there is nothing to fear from this weak frog!
NARRATOR: Mr. Froggie spews forth lightning from his eyes at General Grievous, who flees in terror.
(MR. FROGGIE pursues GENERAL GRIEVOUS.)

Intermission.

Act 2, Scene 1. A New Attack.

OBI-WAN: He’s coming back! Get ready for a fight!
ASTELLA: I’ll try to take him down in the flyer!
FERDINAND: Be careful, Astella. We wouldn’t want you to end up like General Grievous.
(ASTELLA jumps into the flyer and takes off, flying toward MR. FROGGIE.)
NARRATOR: Mr. Froggie spews forth lighting from his eyes at Astella, who leaps to safety as the flyer crashes.
ASTELLA: Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best of ideas.
(THE WALKER starts shooting at MR. FROGGIE.)
NARRATOR: Mr. Froggie spews forth lightning from his eyes at the Walker, who is knocked over.
OBI-WAN: We’ve got to stop going at him one by one!
(JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN enters and jumps into the other flyer.)
JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN: Mr. Froggie, you are under arrest for disturbing the peace, assault and battery, and for owning a dangerous creature without a license.
NARRATOR: Mr. Froggie throws Joe Schmoe the Policeman at the wall. The flyer crashes.
(The Heroes attack MR. FROGGIE together.)
NARRATOR: Mr. Froggie spews forth lightning from his eyes at Obi-Wan, who catches it on his lightsaber.
(While the Heroes are fighting, DARTH VADER jumps ANAKIN from behind. ANAKIN fights him up to the top of the chair. They each have an extra lightsaber.)
NARRATOR: Mr. Froggie spews forth lightning from his eyes at the Lizard, who jumps forward and bites Mr. Froggie’s foot.
(MR. FROGGIE jumps away and quivers in fear.)
ANAKIN: I’ll burst his bubble for him! (ANAKIN jumps head-first off the La-Z-Boy and lands on MR. FROGGIE’S head and bounces off and lands on his back.)
DARTH VADER: Anakin, you idiot!
(DARTH VADER jumps after ANAKIN, bounces on the seat of the chair and rolls off the end.)
DARTH VADER: This is not my lucky day.
(Meanwhile, MR. FROGGIE is howling in pain.)
MR. FROGGIE: NOOOO! This is impossible! I am invincible!
(MR. FROGGIE is flung out of sight. JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN runs towards where he used to be.)
JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN: Wait! You’re still under arrest!

Act 2, Scene 2. General Grievous Strikes Back.

(GENERAL GRIEVOUS is being carried in a litter by Minion X and three Henchmen. His legs, two of his arms, and all of his lightsabers and his cape are missing.)
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Now that you are weak, I will destroy you all!
FALCON: You? You’re not even half a droid anymore!
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: You will pay for that insolence. Minions, bring me my vehicle!
(MINIONS A and SEVEN push out a vehicle. JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN pops up.)
JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN: May I see your driver’s license, please?
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: I’m General Grievous! I don’t need a driver’s license!
JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN: Actually, the law doesn’t say that. In fact, it says, “Everyone, including General Grievous, must have a driver’s license to legally drive a vehicle.”
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: WHAT?!
JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN: That’s exactly what it says. Now, if you don’t have a driver’s license, I can’t let you drive that vehicle.
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: I’ll drive whatever and whenever I want to!
JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN: You leave me with no choice. I hate to ruin any vehicle, but...
(JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN chops off the engine with one of GENERAL GRIEVOUS’S lightsabers.)
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: You can’t do that! I’m General Grievous! You can’t ruin my vehicle! Certainly not with my lightsaber!
(JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN leaves.)
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Minions! Get me my other vehicle!
(MINIONS A and SEVEN push out another vehicle.)
MINION SEVEN: Here you go, sir. Uh, just so you know, I saw that policeman over by it just now.
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: He is nothing! Now follow me to victory!
(Fight starts. DARTH VADER and ANAKIN end up fighting on top of the La-Z-Boy [again].)
DARTH VADER: You know, Anakin, you’re much too good for this group of losers.
ANAKIN: If we’re losers, why do we always win?
DARTH VADER: I haven’t figured that one out yet. But really, you and I could be so much better. Working together, we could rule the world.
ANAKIN: You’re forgetting that Heroes always win. Even if I wanted to join you, we’d lose to the Heroes.
DARTH VADER: In that case, you personally can never win.
ANAKIN: What do you mean?
DARTH VADER: Anakin, I am your future.
ANAKIN: Nooooooooooo!
(ANAKIN jumps off the top of the chair and lands on top of the LIZARD. The LIZARD starts running through the MINIONS and HENCHMEN. JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN runs up.)
JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN: Stop there while I write you a ticket for speeding!
(The LIZARD knocks JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN over, turns around, and starts running back through the MINIONS and HENCHMEN. The MINIONS and HENCHMEN start to run away. ANAKIN falls off the LIZARD.)
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Come back, you cowards! Come back or I’ll drag you back myself!
JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN: Don’t worry about him. I sabotaged that vehicle too.
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: What?
(GENERAL GRIEVOUS tries to move his vehicle. [Revving sounds] It doesn’t budge.)
GENERAL GRIEVOUS: Initiate flip mode!
(The vehicle flips over and starts rolling around. It hits something, bounces a time or two, and GENERAL GRIEVOUS flies out and lands on top of an object with a hole in the middle. OBI-WAN comes by and pushes him into the hole. CAPTAIN runs up. He is wearing GENERAL GRIEVOUS’ cape and has a lightsaber.)
CAPTAIN: Hey, you can’t do that to him!
OBI-WAN: I just did. What do you plan to do about it?
CAPTAIN: I’ll...I’ll kill you!
(OBI-WAN and CAPTAIN fight for a while. OBI-WAN throws CAPTAIN against the sofa with the Force. CAPTAIN bounces off, and the LIZARD catches him with its tail and throws him back. This repeats a couple of times. The LIZARD gets bored and walks away. CAPTAIN bounces a couple of times before staying still.)

Act 2, Scene 3. Return of the Minions.

(The MINIONS come back, with two lightsabers and a sword. The Heroes move to fight them, except the WALKER, who is trying to get his Scout Walker upright, and ANAKIN, who is once again dueling DARTH VADER [they’re not on the chair yet, though]. OBI-WAN and FERDINAND fight the MINIONS close up, while the other Heroes use their guns.
After a few minutes of that, turn to ANAKIN and VADER. VADER spins around five times, and JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN pops up.)
JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN: Hey, you! Walk in a straight line! I think you’re drunk!
(DARTH VADER walks in a straight line for him. ANAKIN is doubled over with laughter.)
DARTH VADER: Satisfied?
JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN: I suppose so. You can continue now.
(DARTH VADER and ANAKIN fight some more. ANAKIN is pushed back, since he’s still laughing. He jumps up to the seat of the chair. DARTH VADER jumps to follow him and bangs his head on the bottom of the cushion. He falls down, gets up, and makes it up to the seat this time.
Return to the rest of the Heroes. They fight for a while longer, and then...)
THE WALKER: I did it!
EVERYONE: Huh?
(The WALKER has gotten his Scout Walker back up and fires at the MINIONS, who yell and run away.
Back to ANAKIN and DARTH VADER, who are up at the top of the chair once again. They fight for a while.)
DARTH VADER: I am your future, Anakin. You cannot kill me.
ANAKIN: What about all that stuff about “choose your destiny”?
DARTH VADER: Huh?
(ANAKIN kicks VADER off the edge of the chair.)
DARTH VADER: Nooooooooooo! (Splash)
(ANAKIN jumps down to the ground, where the rest of the Heroes are waiting for him.)
FERDINAND: It’s time for a celebration!
(The Heroes cheer, and leave. JOE SCHMOE THE POLICEMAN walks toward the hole that GENERAL GRIEVOUS is in, holding a ticket book.)

The End.