How can you have an ending

before the beginning?

 

I am just taking

a slice of pepperoni pizza

out of the microwave

when Arkn appears

“Ready for adventure?”

he asks.

 

I set the pizza down

“Will it still be

warm when I get back?”

I tease.

 

“I haven’t spent

all this time

teaching you

so you could eat

cold pizza,”

he replies in kind.

 

We step through

the invisible wall

into the memory room

made of the past

of a friend’s room

in the days when

“school” was play

“I’d nearly forgotten,”

My fingers brush the wall

“How did you know?”

 

“This comes

from you”

Arkn smiles.

“Your memories”

 

I stare at him

 

“You can change

the appearance

of this room

Or your clothes”

 

I close my eyes

imagining

a light, flowing dress

of three layers

 

silken, flowing white

gossamer blooms

delicate black

with a

mock-diamond brooch

 

I had seen it

at the mall

and fallen in love

with its simple elegance.

 

I open my eyes

Three layers of fabric

wreath my body

I spin

            spin

                        spin

in dizziness

 

“Try the room now”

Arkn urges

 

I close my eyes

picturing a long, white beach

with lonely, lapping waves

I try to open my eyes

All is gray

I blink again

 

Without my glasses

I am bat-blind

but now all

gray

like a storm

“Arkn” I scream

fear kindling

to panic

“Arkn!”

 

His hands

touch my eyes

I can see

the room of memory

again

 

“Maybe you’re not

ready yet”

He admits

“But—“

 

“Bailey!”

My mother’s scream

shoves through the wall

“Bailey!”

 

“She’s been asking

questions

Thinks Evan’s my boyfriend.

cause we’re always together.”

I shrug

“I don’t even want

 a boyfriend.”

 

“I’ll explain,”

Arkn pauses halfway

through the wall

“Stay here”

 

Mom isn’t surprised

when he steps

out of thin air

“Are you this

Arkn—“

She spits the word

“who my daughter

obsesses over?”

 

“I am a teacher—“

He begins

 

“What are you

teaching her?

What are you

doing

 with my daughter?

Phantom

Demon”

 

I burst through the wall.

“How can you say

that?

He is my friend.

Evan, Grace, Mandy—

we are friends

He is teaching us—“

 

“I don’t care!

Get out of my house,

Arkn

Don’t come near

Bailey

again”

 

She turns

walks away

I fling myself

at the invisible wall

barring my way

I cannot

break in

or out

 

Arkn catches me

as I try again

“Bailey, you can’t

go back”

 

“What? Why?

How can

she say that?”

 

“I cannot override

a parent’s will”

Arkn’s words land

with the thud

of finality

“She has forbidden

me

to teach you”

 

“But I’m

over seventeen!

I could drive

(If I had my license)

I graduate

in less than

three months

In one moment,

she can end this?”

 

“If I teach you

against her will

it will tear your relationship

apart”

 

“She tore it apart

when she forbid you

My heart is

breaking”

I gaze up at him

“Please, Arkn

I’ll do

Anything!”

 

He shakes his head

“I’m sorry

Bailey

Farewell”

He disappears

into the memory room

 

All I want

is to get away

I run out of the house

down to the creek

cutting across our land

it slices a tiny ravine

no taller than I

 

I drop onto

a low-hanging branch

over the water

disappearing from view

 

only then

do I realize

I’m still wearing

the dress

now mud-hemmed,

twig-pierced

like my heart

 

Just last week

a friend asked me

if I ever really 

fought with Mom

After thinking

a moment

I said

No

 

I had spoken

too soon

Our wills

were never

seriously at odds

I was a

compliant child

 

But now

I see

why children

hate their parents

“I hate you,”

 

the words slip out

small

silent

in the early spring

 

My feet dangle

in the icy water

shivering

for a moment

I imagine

ripping off the

dress

standing bare

skinny-boned

but modesty

prevails

 

I caress

the cloth

last memory

of Arkn

But as I

sit

the cloth tightens

to become a shroud?

 

No.

It merely becomes

jeans and a t-shirt

again

 

Was Arkn

only a dream

from which I

awoke?