I wrote this after we had made friends with squirrels and fed them, only to have them turn on us and ruin the window screens. They were so cute at the beginning though. We actually did name one of them Doogy Plum, because he was kind of fat!

In order to control your human, you must make a good first impression. To do this, you must first approach a door or window and catch their attention. This may be done by going right up to the door or window and acting as innocent as possible. (It may be helpful if you choose a human with young. This will allow you to have its young’s sympathy, thus enabling the adult to have sympathy for you as well, not wanting to appear cruel.)
You must also lead your human to believe that you are incapable of doing harm; otherwise they will not feed you. The father will be harder to convince. Just keep “being cute” and acting innocent, and your human will convince the father that you are above suspicion.
However, do not climb on the screen, or you will find yourself, once again, quite hungry. Doogy Plum climbed on the screen, and tore it, causing not only him, but the rest of us to lose our meals for a few days. Make sure your actions do not put others into danger, or your friends will turn against you!
After you have done all of the above, your human will be enamored with you, so long as you share with your fellow squirrels. However, everything counts on their first impression. If you please them at first sight, they will serve you meals, all of your life!