I pulled into the drive and found a spot to park my car. I took the key out of the ignition and put it in my purse. I looked at my hands, palms up. They were shaking and sweating like crazy. I clenched them into fists to steady them and gritted my teeth.
"You can do this," I whispered to myself. "It'll be better this way."
I stand on the plateau and look down. On the left hand I see the twisted and mangled bodies of those who fell. Poor souls. They trusted in their own strength. On the right hand I see those who continue to climb. Some occasionally slip back and some fall even as far as the deepest part of the valley, but all lift holy hands to the heavens in a petition for grace before pressing forward. I have made it across the Jordan River and now I am at the home gates. God is good. God is faithful. I do not deserve to be in this place. I can reach out and touch the Light of heaven from where I stand.
Purpose
Your life has a purpose
Don't ever complain
You must push ahead
Your grumblings are vain
God's given you this day
You must make it your own
All you do and say
Is heard at the throne
Temple
Your body is a temple
Please keep it clean
Furnish with fear, tremble
For God is your king
Purify and make way
Sacrifice your desires of self
Clean them all out
Every one on the shelf
[this has been redacted for possible publication. I will repost if it doesn't get into the college lit mag.]
Dear Lord with this I now draw near;
A burden given me to bear.
For strength I ask with my whole heart
That I might carry all, not part.
I am faulty, willing but weak,
That is why Your strength I seek.
So on Your Almighty name I call
Lest under this heavy weight, alone, I fall.
But not quite alone for in silence I hear
That still small voice sounding in my ear.
Reassuring, powerful, sweet and strong;
In my aching heart You give me a song.
[this has been redacted for possible publication. I will repost if it doesn't get into the college lit mag.]
July 4th, 2009
Dear Journal,
Today was a good day. The Grays invited Mom and I to go to a fireworks display with them. I sat with Josh and Kelly. When the fireworks started Josh tried to hold my hand so I slapped his hand. He said he was just being friendly so I told him that I didn't like that kind of "friendly" and that if he wasn't careful I would have to stop being around him. So he went back to his old way of being friendly, which I like much better. Kelly just glared at him and told him to leave me alone. She's pretty mad at him for the way he treated Courtney.
June 24th, 2009
Dear Journal,
Mom just told me that she would buy me a phone since I'm gonna be babysitting a lot. She said it would be good to have it, just in case something happens and I need her. I'm glad because people make me nervous. Even nice people. I guess it's because there have been so many bad people in my life, even the ones that started out as nice people. I feel safer when I'm at home alone than I did when someone had to stay with me while Mom worked. I never told Mom because I don't want her to feel bad. She can't help it.
Kennedy
When tears I cry I cry for me,
In selfish pride my tears flow.
I know this doesn't have to be;
It doesn't and this I know.
But when He cried His bitter tears
He wept with grief, not shame.
He payed for sins of all the years,
And still we mocked His name.
Our Lord and Savior took the blow,
He sacrificed His life, in love.
We murmur as we reap and sow,
While He looks pitying from above.
June 12, 2009
Dear Journal,
I made two new friends at the park this afternoon. They were a brother and sister named Josh and Kelly. Josh is 16 and Kelly is 14. They're homeschooled. I figured out that they live three houses down from mom and me so they invited me to hang out at their house tomorrow afternoon for a couple of hours. They have a big pool so we'll probably swim. And Josh said he'd teach me how to skateboard. He's pretty cool.
Kennedy