What is this ugly world
That everyone inside
Feels the brokenness
Of every single tear that's ever cried?
With every salty pool
That overflows its bounds,
Rivers of despair
Flow down the bed that of all sorrow sounds.
The only steady ground
Is the Holy Word.
Nothing makes sense
Unless the voice of God himself is heard.
If you will only heed
The Spirit's living fire,
Sobs of joyful hope
Will be the song we sing with heaven's choir.
When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold
The year that I turned 19 was the darkest year of my life. Not the hardest; the darkest. I was still reeling from my breakup the previous year, and I was stuck in a deep slough of murky depression. The fog was so thick that on most days I felt like I was suffocating. Drowning, even.
When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale
I’m not a perfect person.
You know that, but I thought I’d
tell you what it’s like to be
the girl I am.
And yet, I really do not want
to tell you everything because
I am not who you think
I am—
that's just the way
I am.
And right now, I am
struggling with telling you
what’s most important, yet
I’m really dying to tell you
all about myself.
And now, I think that
I will stop
with pen and ink this
scratching on my
paper, for I do not want to
bore you any longer.
What do I do, when I simply feel
Like I can’t make it myself,
I need help, and I know You’re real,
When that deep yearning I know I felt.
My soul searches and strains
To deeply feel, and know
To see beyond the pain
That Your love to me You would show.
But then what do I do, when I’m filled
With great joy and life,
When Your goodness shines
Above all doubt and strife?
When sincerely I see
That You are everything,
Evry’thing I’ll ever need,
And I’m under Your wings.
Auburn sunsets
O’er silver mountains
Bring home to me
A rare completion—
It’s like I’m not done,
But I don’t need
To worry much
About the future,
About my grades,
Or how my friends
Are acting strange.
The clouds, so peaceful,
Are painting streaks
Of feathers, white—
Cotton fluff
Stretched o’er the sky.
And when the rainbow shines
All is well.
Thoughts on a Dark Day
Words are floating
in my head,
trying to describe
a worthless thread
of thought
that winds
about inside
my mind.
Maybe worthless
isn’t how I
should describe
it.
It’s painful;
important;
It cannot be
described.
Why do I
hurt
so much that I
can’t even think?
There’s worse
out there,
so why does this
matter?
You know that time is wasting away
The clock is ticking to start a brand new day
And I'm just waiting here for you say
I need you
I want for you to hold me close
I'm fading here as everyone knows
But the truth remains I'm still here alone
I need you
Can't you see
I'm waiting here for you to find me
Can't you see
I need you
I wonder if you ever passed me by
I wonder if I'll ever get to call you mine
Sometimes it seems like love is just a lie
I need you
CHAPTER 28: BUSY DAYS
CHAPTER 25: TRIPPIN' IT
By the time Jules woke up Saturday morning, she had made up her mind. She did not waste much time carrying her plan out. She had eaten her lunch and Duncan had fallen asleep for his afternoon nap. She gathered up her phone and headphones and headed out the door for her daily walk. The spring air was crisp and clean, and felt almost dewy, regardless of the bright sun shining down.