People look at me funny.

I'm not really sure why. But I always notice. Like today, when I sat down next to a girl in my class and said hi. She answered back, but when she looked at me, the strangest look came over her face. Then she turned away and didn't look at me any more. After class was over, she rushed out as if she would do anything not to talk to me more.

This happens to me a lot.

I'm not really sure why. But sometimes, people will ask me weird questions like, "Is your left eye okay?" This confuses me. I've never noticed anything particularly wrong with my left eye. They tell me it twitches. I think a twitch is some sort of movement, but I have never been able to catch my left eye at it. I can stare in the mirror for hours, but I never see it. But I keep trying. Maybe one day I will see it. You hear that, left eye? One day I will catch you at it. One day. And then, I will....I will....I don't know what I will do.
But I would like to see what they see.

I know I'm not very pretty.

I'm not really sure why. My parents are both pretty. So is my little sister. But when I look at my face, I know that I don't look anything like my parents or sister. In fact, I have never seen anyone I really looked like. Well...that's not exactly true. There was this one guy once who looked a little like me...but he drooled. He doesn't count.

I know I'm not very smart.

I'm not really sure why. I've gone to school for years and years, but I never seem to get any smarter. I think its normal for people to be finished with school after a certain period of time, but I feel like I've been there forever. And as hard as I try, I never seem to learn. It's like my brain is already so full it cannot possibly accept any new information.

I'll never have a boyfriend.

I'm not really sure why. I want one so badly; then I would have someone to talk to....and maybe he would let me hold his hand sometimes. But I know people don't like it when I touch them. And I know no boy will ever want to be with me. No boys ever talk to me, much less like me. Still, it would be so nice sometimes to have someone who cared, someone who understands me...

People call me bad names sometimes.

I'm not really sure why. But I know they are bad; my mothers gets a scared, horrified look on her face when I say them. I don't know exactly what they mean. She would never tell me. But they upset her, so I don't know why people use them for me.

I'll never be normal.

I'm not really sure why. That is what I want most in life, to fit in, stop getting those funny looks. But I know that will never happen. I'm not normal. I never have been. People will never see me as the girl with nice hair or a pretty smile or the really good grades. Instead I am the one to avoid, to ignore, to stay away from at all costs.

And I will never know why.