Proactive

Just when I think yes, I'm standing my ground
It comes back around to then knock me back down
With throat-aches and re-takes of lost summer air
Fresh in the clouds, I liked it better up there
While this should be the time where I'm built-up and high
Meanwhile encased in riotous laughter and time
That moves as though through a pool of thick mud
Instead I am left by myself treading sludge
And no, I'm not enveloped in self-pity and spite
I'm positive the best times have yet come to light
It's only so hard to maintain a detached state
When really I'm grasping at straws to obtain
What I left behind with me
What I left up to fate
If I'd been more proactive
I'd never known of this state

My Plan

My plan is not to plan
Not really
I want to be found in every crevice
Where people least expect me
And meet firecracker personalities
Share our stories over coffee
I want to be enamored with the scenic
Landscape patiently waiting outside beveled glass
For me to come run my fingers through
I want gorgeous cobblestone evenings
And rapid-fire French
Lingering dinners and laughter that rings out
Into the open greenery for miles
Accents and
Cheery goodbyes
To touch down at home
I want
Spur of the moment best friend trips
Giggling like we did when we were kids
Trying on clothes between bites of chocolate
And sipping bubble tea
I want
So much really
I hope all of this wants to meet
This girl and shake hands
No; it's really not a plan
Just a direction to ricochet
I hope I can get there maybe someday

Melodramaqueen

I see it disappear in a flash
I don't know I'll voice twelve more worries before I finally
Set aside my computer and go to sleep
But I don't cry until
There's a fizzing in my ear and all my
Hearing in the right is obscured
And just like that I burst
Into tears
Red-faced and drying my cheeks
With the collar of my shirt
This doesn't even hurt
I start laughing through the waterworks
Unable to pinpoint the exact reason why
Later on as I stand in the kitchen with
Continuous tears trickling down
(I feel strangely, um, good)
My brother notes,
"You're like me with cottage cheese!"
And no, you probably don't
Even want to know

August

I'm actually really excited
She said she was, too
As we sat on the boat with the radio tuned
To Fancy
I mouthed every word
(If I'd been alone I would have done
The dance I have for every verse)
It'll probably be loud
Actually very
I keep saying, you know
I hope we don't get stuck next to screamers
Or criers
Or cursers
...ooh
But I think in the end
I'll probably have shaky hands
And the anticipation will be wild until I see
Whoa--um--
He's standing a few hundred feet in front of me
She said kind of joking
"Are you going to cry"
"No," I said confidently
It's not going to overwhelm me
(though I'm afraid that it might)

Awhile

Closed mouth
Open smile
Waiting awhile for
Me
I wish you could
Wait awhile, if you would
If you'd wait a bit for me
Wait while to conceive
The breadth of what this really means
And I'd say
Sorry that I kept you waiting

Anything Can Happen

Everything feels open to interpretation
A new kind of lush in my chest
I think keeping a safe, neutral distance
Would probably be for the best
That waiting for good things to come to me
Would be better than trying to force them
Though I'm really not one who has made peace with patience
But I can if it's means to an end
To begin again

Means Anything

I feel kind of silly
The teasing gets to me
And totally gives me away
Every time that he's mentioned
Every time that it's strayed
They say they can see in my face
That I'm easily enamored
Or infatuated
I shake my head and deny deny deny
The easiest things to do in such cases is to sign
Off on all the ways he disagrees
With feelings parallel to being
Somebody I spend my time thinking about
I go off in circles though
When it's safe to spin round
I go off about him though
When there's no way it can come down
To bite me really hard on the cheek
When there's no way anyone can turn it
To mean anything

iPhone

I feel like a real teenager
Sat there talking to you
About angles and faces
The things that we do
And never need to repent
Though it's irrelevant to say
That I do feel my age
Most when I'm with friends