The unicorn lay his
silvery mane, his noble horn
in the girl’s lap
going to death, to save her from a beating
from those men.
She wasn’t even pretty,
and she was just a poor kitchen maid
not like some great lady
out of some grand story
and she was too fearful to know
that she was part of the
greatest story of all.
The men would laugh;
he knew it,
with their laughter cold, and cruel
call him a lovely, foolish beast
and if they were truly fools
they’d even boast that they tricked him.
There was a girl, and there was a unicorn
she was his murderer, but he was
her innocence.
Comments
This is beautiful. But - what
This is beautiful. But - what exactly is meant by Innocence? Blamelessness? Naivete? Purity? How does destroying her Innocence protect her? And what does this have to do with the "greatest story of all"?
Again, it's lovely and intriguingly written poem. Sorry for my horrible deciphering skills. : P
Author speaking
I just wanted to say that I am thrilled that two such wonderful and gifted writers commented on my work, and found something of beauty in it. I did know that it was odd when I posted so I'm happy with your reaction. The only other thing for me to say is that I believe that is it often mystery that is most important to poetry.
Hannah D.- Think more along the lines of blameless as opposed to naivete.
Aaaand she won't tell us.
Lol. A magician never reveals his secrets? ;)
I was thinking about this more the same day I read it, while driving, and I had more thoughts, but Hannah basically said it. When I first read it, I thought by the unicorn's death she was losing her innocence (because she was willing to accept his death over a beating), but now I think that the unicorn is more a representation of her innocence itself.
Anyway, that's it :)
Wow.
You've captured a profound message, but in a very far-removed, fairytale-ish way. And the paradox at the end, "She was his murderer, but he was her innocence," was amazing. Loved it. Well done!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Brother: Your character should drive a motorcycle.
Me: He can't. He's in the wilderness.
Brother: Then make it a four-wheel-drive motorcycle!
:)
I like this. I too got chills up my spine! I do love the mysteriousness of it all, the last line is so good.
Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh
I don't know why, but -
- that last line gave me shivers. It feels big and profound. I don't even know quite what it means, but that's exactly what I like about it. Good job!