His Intensity

Submitted by Kassady on Mon, 10/21/2013 - 17:14

Strong Jaw,
His eyes narrowed,
And in them I saw,
His intensity burning, eyebrows furrowed.
Heart melting smile,
Like a shooting star,
You wish and then file,
the image somewhere safe and far.
Tall, muscular, lean and fit,
So proud, so brave,
Is there anything imperfect?
Even the imperfections I'd crave.
Surely he's not what he seems,
Yet he's the center of my dreams.

Author's age when written
15
Genre
Poetry
Notes

I wrote this 10/16/13 about someone I've been admiring from a distance. I posted this so Homey could read it. I wrote this before our chat Homey, just so you know. Though this is a personal poem, I felt confident in posting it sense I feel like it's one of my better written poems (you, my readers, know those are few). Please critique!!!

Comments

E

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 03:20

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Great job, Kassady! I really liked this. Especially the bit about craving his imperfections. I so understand that.

"You were not meant to fit into a shallow box built by someone else." -J. Raymond

Maddi

Tue, 10/22/2013 - 04:58

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Nice flow, post more poems!!

Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh

Kassady

Wed, 10/23/2013 - 19:19

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Thanks guys!!!! Love all your comments.
That's interesting that that one line would stick out to you all out of all the rest. Neat!!! Thanks for your feedback!!!

"Here's looking at you, Kid"
---
Write On!

Gina I.

Wed, 10/23/2013 - 23:45

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And I know someone like this, but I won't say his name...
Surely he's not what he seems, but he's the center of my dreams...
I love that part! Well done!

insert something inspiring