(A bit disorganized, but there's no way I could straighten out this train of though tonight.)

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I'm leaving soon.  I turned 18 this spring, and I'm leaving for the summer to live with my half-brother.  I'm excited - but the thought of leaving is so strange.  I also just got my license, which means I'm now driving myself to college, and Taekwon-Do, and everything else, which is also weird.  Josephine's a cranky old creature that wobbles whenever you go faster than she thinks is acceptable and needs new shocks.  I love her though, unreasonably so, considering she's a vehicle.

I can't wait to leave, in one way.  Moving out is exciting.  Packing makes me want to giggle, in the way that ends with a shriek because I'm so thrilled to be doing this.

But honestly?  Thinking about it makes me want to cry sometimes.  I don't cry easily - did you know that?  I'm going to miss hanging out with my best friend and going to Taekwon-Do with my family.  I'm going to miss the summer weekends at the campground.  I'm going to miss watching dumb YouTube videos with Kevin.

I want to say I'm growing up.  Maybe I am, a little.  But do you know why I'm doing this?  Because one day in April, I got so mad and so messed up that I decided I wanted to get away from it all.  Real mature, Bridget.  Of course, now that's not why; not very much anyway.

I'm leaving the day after finals.  It feels too soon.  It should be fun.  I practically have a job already - long story - and Sean's going to teach me how to play football and basketball.  Yeah, I'm 18, and I never learned how.  Time to fix that.  I'm going to teach him how to rollerblade. This summer's going to be awesome.

But sometimes I catch myself and wonder what the heck I'm doing (although I usually wonder that in stronger terms).  I do a lot of weird, stupid things, but this is something new.  Oh, yeah, I know that I'm plenty old enough.  I'm just having weird moments.

I've learned how to move on, at least a little.  Apparently accepting disappointment is something that happens when you grow up.  Doing things that scare the crap outta you - maybe not so grown-up, but goodness knows if that will ever change.

Life is such a novelty to me still.  All I can say is that I hope growing up doesn't mean losing that.  I kind of like the butterfly feeling I get when I'm scared, and the jittery feeling when I've just discovered something new.

I think maybe I'll keep that.