It has come to my attention that a number of you are becoming increasingly vexed by the amount of mold in your homes. Mold on your food is pesky, mold on the walls unsightly, and sour milk, squishy vegetables and fruits, and moldy cheese are constantly being thrown away without usage.
After many tense hours thinking about your dilemma, I have some proposals to bring before you. Do not be discouraged by the mold on your walls; it has uses that will DELIGHT you and your family! The green and blue mold is particularly attractive to young children. Provided they do not put it in their mouths, it makes a great playtime toy. Roll the mold into small, squishy balls that will entertain your children for hours! They may play catch with the mold, use the mold like modeling clay, or make stunning art work with the mold. The colorfulness of the mold also makes it an ideal decorating tool. Squish the mold flat, and apply it to your walls, doors, lamps, and mantles as you would a coat of paint. Use your mold as frameable art. Press it against paper in unique designs and hang it on your walls in wooden frames. Dip the mold in paint, and press it against the wall; it will leave a neat design! Mold squishes, dices, and chops easily; add some to your food for an interesting taste.
Mold on your food is considered disgusting, but when you find your food beginning to mold, do not despair! Moldy bread can be disguised as bread with seasonings imported all the way from Packascutcha! Mold on cheese can be cut off and added to salads when you run out of lettuce. Squish your mold up and dilute it with water. The interesting colors make great make-up! Apply it as eye shadow or lip-gloss. Also it may be used as watercolor paints for your kids.
People are forever throwing out rotten apples, sour milk, and molded bread. Rotten apples are great to use for the game ‘bobbing for apples.’ Keep one in your pocket and slip it into the tub of water, and you will win for sure! Rotten apples are soft enough to be grasped easily, yet firm enough to fool the judges. Sour milk makes a great white wash. Molded bread is great for art projects! Teachers will appreciate the creativity of the projects your children bring to school made out of mold. Apply moldy bread to projects that involve houses (it makes great walls), gardens (your child will have things growing in his garden!), or sand.
Although my ideas are great, there are some easier ways to get rid of the mold in your life. Occasionally clean your fridge. It has been my observation that frequently cleaned fridges collect much less mold than unclean fridges. Buy food that your family is going to eat. The food cannot collect mold if it has been eaten. Eating what you buy is more economical. You will have a lot less to clean out of your fridge if it is all eaten.
I hope my proposals have given you some idea of what can be done with excess mold. I have taken my own proposals to heart, and I hope that they might benefit you as well.