i. memory
because our last conversation
was the best
you said you were scared so i took your hand
said to go to sleep, i'd talk to you tomorrow

the beeps drifted farther apart
and from your hospital far away
i heard the news you had died

oh how i miss you, i dreamt of you last night
your wide eyes and wild hair
bursting at the seams with life

you said you loved to talk to me
i said i loved you too

ii. fear
talk of my apparent confusion
as if this clarity
sense of self-love
is awful and i know this cold-shouldered hate is typical
and i
crying myself to sleep
understand what she meant when she said she felt alone
staring at that dress in the shop window
and how she wanted to grow out her hair

iii. bones
we're painting bones
i was never any good at realism
at least not with the watered-down acrylic technique that is important to the curriculum
but alas
i think of the bones we found in july
how i was fascinated by their structure
and you made the observation of the deer watching us
alas
those innocent summer days have passed
but i smell spring on the breeze and i am filled with hope

i hope we find more bones

iv. prison cell
i take pride in my fresh-made bed
crawling in at the end of the day
without the simple Comforts
i line this cell wall with library books
markers
i play soft music and ease the nausea

i am not a freak
just a human who dared to find themself

v. love
this tragedy has healed the gap
i see you with the same glazed-over goggles
bliss

elegance and bright-eyed innocence oh love this sweet love
no more lies to hide behind
you fight this battle with me side-by-side
bandage the wounds

your lacey, valentine's-edged promises have me hoping
perhaps i can find heaven in this scary world
by my side
holding my hand
telling me everything's fine