i. i get like this when i'm alone, it's just a fact of life
i wanna go back
because we had such better days or perhaps it was the rose-colored glasses
mistaking your carelessness for
"we just aren't there yet"
forgiving time and time again

i want to tell you it's all fine
but it isn't it isn't because when you forgot about me when you didn't care
because everyone tells stories about
bouquets and things of the like
i think we were sorta close once, i'm not sure

they warned me though yet i still fought on
thought maybe i dunno things would be okay and here i am all this time later
i'm tired of your garbage but hey at least you talk to me
maybe this is just what happens after that one day
did you know you shattered me?

i wanna go back
because there were still some good things despite all the trash
even though i made and still make
one too many excuses for your behavior
calling my friends late at night crying

i wish it was alright again i felt invincible
alive with the glory of love like that song said it spoke to me then
now it feels like concrete boots
as i sink in your ocean with your eyes
still clear above the water asking me if i'm fine

i wish i was fine

ii. turmoil
we had a garden but one day you stopped bringing water
now the land is barren and the ground turned to dust
dust isn't much a ground so i fell right through

and everything is stained in your colors and i can't breathe by myself
i don't know how i'm going to cope but is this even okay
everything smells of you and your words make sense but your actions don't
i must belong somewhere i know

but i fear it's all gone did i use it all up in my folly
did i forget that joy is less permanent than the limited perfume in the store
and i'm all out of money and even if i had some i can't buy any more

iii. wishes
i wish on dandelions but
like the seeds that scatter to the wind
i have no more dreams and they ask me what my secret wishes are

it sounds like sacrilege because i say
-redacted-
it would prove all sorts of worried glances but it's just one wish

you paint the world in purples and greys
the color of a bruise
like the one covering my mouth
so swollen i cannot dare speak into your ear as we sit by the edge of the cliff

you promise we can dance again soon

iv. i just want you to listen to what i have to say
you are so pretty in the moonlight
your words are so pretty but it's all a facade because look at these scars
they wouldn't exist if not for you
one day you'll see them as you run your fingers across them i'll whisper
about what you did to put them there why don't you hear me when i scream
eyes wide and half-asleep i'm so tired please please tell me it's fine

v. the universe
i want to show you the blissed-out dream state the kids all said they had
screaming masses they see their world in a way i used to but don't anymore
when the kids hit the ground screaming sacred names it was fine
i didn't pass out but i cried and the universe showed me you