What happened first:
Hello, my name is Polly. I live in San Francisco, but I don't know what the town is called. My favorite word is hello. It seems to be quite the things these days. Mrs. Hollings says “Here Polly, say Hello for momma.” And Mr. Hollings shakes my hand and won't let go until I say hello. The little Hollings, Jinny and Joey are always trying to make me say more than just hello. Every time a visitor comes in, I say hello, and they are very happy. One day a man came into the house after Mr. Hollings had gone to work and the little Hollings were at school and Mrs. Hollings was gone shopping. I learned later that his name was Vick. He opened the window and came in.
“Hello!” I shrieked. I could almost see his head whip around even though he was in the other room. I heard his neck make a pop. The next moment he poked his head around the corner and said
“Hello?” He listened and I wondered if I was supposed to say hello again.
“Anyone home?” He called.
“Course there is. There's you for instance.” I snapped. He jumped and looked at me.
“D-did you just talk?” He said.
“See anybody else to do it for me?” I asked. He stepped into the room.
“What a prize! What a trophy!” He exclaimed. “Never have I seen such an animal in my life. Do you often make large crowds gather to hear you?”
“Of course not. I only say hello.”
“But you are saying more than hello right now.”
I ruffled my green wings and stared down my beak at him.
“You are truly more than dense.” I said, in my most insulting voice. If he heard me, he ignored it. He touched the cage and pulled on it, finally he got some wire cutters and cut the wires of the door.
“Foolish man!” I shrieked. “Look what you've done. Why, even the littlest Holling has enough sense not to break into my precious and perfect home. Leave off and find something else to amuse you.”
He ignored me again, and the next moment had grabbed me and stuck me in a horrid smelly bag.
“Leave off monster!” I shrieked as he tied the top.
“If you'll be quiet and promise to do as your told, I will let you out and make your life ten times better.”
“Never!” I screamed. “I have the home that even a pagan god would have stared in wonder to see. There is nothing better than my priceless abode that you have wickedly incurred damage upon.”
He grabbed my neck so that anything else I had to say ended in a squeak. He carried me outside and into a vehicle and drove away. I wished that Mr. or Mrs. or one of the little Hollings would stop this thick skulled, dull witted, dirty bagged man who was taking me away from my home. When at last the vehicle stopped and he picked me up, I was lost as to where we were, but that wasn't my first problem. He carried me into a building and asked If they sold bird cages. He bought one and pushed me and the bag into it. As soon as he cut the knot of the bag and I got my head out, I shrieked
“Fiend! Son of a slug! Let me out of this wretched cage.” We got back in the truck. It was a truck, as I could now see, a big, ugly, rusty one. I'm not sure if the original color was green or blue. I noticed that there was no license plates on it. Being a bird of a sheriff, I noticed this immediately and wished I could get hold of a phone, but I couldn't. He put my cage beside him in the truck and we drove away. I had stopped shrieking because it made my throat hurt and he was very good at ignoring me. We finally pulled into a driveway. A long driveway that went through a lot of trees and far away from the road. A very secluded and beautiful place, I decided. Fit for a king, like myself. But I was not feeling very kingly at the moment. He took me out of the truck and I was able to get a better look around me. The first thing I noticed, was the king of terrors to a bird. Two tiger cats with mats in their hair were strolling past the porch, one carrying a fat mouse in his jaws. I watched them until they disappeared around the house. There was a house at the back of the porch, I suppose it is quite natural, but I had only lived in an apartment with the Hollings and didn't know much about porches. The house was pretty large, and made of bricks. An old lady was sitting in a rocking chair, rocking gently while crocheting. As he walked up to the house, he didn't even look at her but reached for the door knocker.
“Good evening Gramma!” I said. She sprang to her feet and slapped Vick.
“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me grandma? I ain't your grandma anymore than that painted bird you got there!”
“I didn't say anything, Gra- I mean, ma'am. It was that bird.”
“Well I never!” She snapped. “No bird talks unless he's got a devil or sumpin' in hisself and that bird don't look like he's got one. Just looks like he fell in a pot a paint. The liars in this house is tremendous!” She shook her head and sat back down. Vick didn't say anything, and I inwardly chuckled. Vick knocked on the door and a man opened the door and said:
“Ah Victor! You have come at last. Your boss is waiting, and has been for some time. What have you got there?” He asked, bending over and looking at me. I scowled, but he didn't seem to understand and said “Nice birdie! Does you want a apple?”
“Thanks but no thanks!” I shrieked. He leaped backward and stared at me.
“He's a talking bird.” Vick said. “I'm bringing him to the boss.”
“R-right this way.” The man stammered. I almost felt sorry for him, but not quite. He led Vick up the stairs and knocked on the door. After a moment, a voice inside said “Come in.” Vick entered. A man sat at a desk with a pile of papers in front of him and several others scattered around. A feather pen lay on the paper he was writing and an inkwell stood beside it. I blinked at him and waited. Vick stepped forward and held the cage up “Mr. Welbert, I just came upon this bird and knew you'd want it. But it's very rare and has almost supernatural powers.”
“Liar!” I muttered under my breath. But he continued without hearing me.
“It, dear sir, is a king among birds, and with a word, yes, it can speak, it commands all creatures below it.”
I fluffed my feathers at the flattery. It was true, at least the king part. I doubted I could stop a hungry cat from tasting me by merely asking it. He held me closer. I stared into the mans pudgy face, with a cigar hanging out of it and puffing smoke into my face. I coughed and decided I did not like him.
“I do not need eloquence out of the mouth of fools to tell me that this bird is worth it's weight in gold or better, but I won't believe that it talks, that's nonsense.” He puffed on his cigar and thought.
“Oh, but Mr. Welbert, he does talk. Honest real talk like you and me.” He bent over and said to me “Come on birdie say hello for Mr. Welbert.” I kept my mouth shut, I wasn't about to do something to put money in this mans filthy pocket. I tried to think of the worst name I could for him, but none of them fit him, so I decided to think about what would happen if I stayed with him, and how it would surely be better to be with the man with the fat face and nasty cigar. I smirked at Vick and said very coolly “Your face is one only a momma could love. So there.” And I turned away. Mr. Welbert stared with his eyes getting bigger and bigger.
“Make him do it again!” He gasped.
“You're not such a handsome guy yourself!” I snapped at Mr. Welbert. Mr. Welbert stood up and said “Enough! Take the beast away. I don't want anyone insulting me!”
Vick picked the cage up and turned away.
“No Wait!” Mr. Welbert called. “If I could make it say what I wanted, I would take it. Does it know how to do anything other than insult people?”
“I dunno, that's all I've heard it do.” Vick said.
I realized I hadn't introduced myself.
“Hello,” I said, bowing to Mr. Welbert. “My name is Polly. Making me a girl, not a him as you all like to call me. This son of a worm would be welcome to leave off and scram. I would be much more happy if his slimy face were out of the picture.”
“Well I would be happy if I could see a big wad of green paper enter the picture.” Vick said.
Mr. Welbert went to a safe and opened it. As he began counting money, I continued:
“I lived in an apartment with sheriff Hollings.” At the word sheriff, both Vick and Mr. Welbert jumped, the latter dropping the box of money and spinning around. “A sheriff?” He gasped.
“Of course! What's so strange about that?”
“Oh, well nothing, to be sure. But. (gulp) A sheriff?” He turned to Vick and said “How could you be so stupid? He'll catch us and see us hung! My old grandfather, he was hung by a sheriff. Actually it was my great great great great grandfather. He might have been even greater but it escapes my memory during this moment of fear. Anyways, he was hung for stealing a toothpick.”
Vick gulped. “A-a toothpick?”
“Yeah, he stabbed someone with it, otherwise he would have just gotten fifteen years in jail.”
“How do you stab someone with a toothpick?” Vick asked.
“Stupid,” I said. “A toothpick is how some people say knife.” I raised my eyebrow and went to the back of my cage. “Anyways, there's no fear of being hung. First, you haven't stabbed anyone. Second, that was at least one hundred and fifty years ago. Back then you got hung for stealing a cigar. Not that I see how anyone would waste their time stealing one or why such a big deal was made out of such nasty and stupid things as that, but hey! You know, to each his own way.”
Mr. Welbert puffed on his cigar and and said “you do have a point there.” And he picked up the money box and continued counting.
“Of course,” I said. “I could convince him to make sure you got a lighter sentence if you bring me home.”
“Never!” Mr. Welbert said. “I won't let myself get captured anyways.”
I shrugged. It was worth the try, right? Mr. Welbert gave Vick two hundred dollars. I chuckled and said,
“Mr. Hollings only paid one hundred for me, and I'm older now and not worth so much. I never told the littler Hollings of course because they always thought I was worth about a thousand. But they weren't the smartest kids anyways.” Mr. Welbert quickly took back a hundred and fifty and said:
“There you go. Thanks for the bird.”
Vick scowled. “That birds lyin'! It's worth more than that!”
Mr. Welbert closed the safe. “You're worth about five hundred to the police.” His hand strayed toward the phone and Vick suddenly smiled and said “I guess this'll do then. Good day!” And he left, very quickly.
I learned that the man at the door was named Hector, and the old lady on the porch was Miss Gabriela Farthingham. All of them were in a gang where Mr. Welbert was the boss. But even though they were in a gang, I found that most of them were nice, including Miss Farthingham. She was in fact the nicest of them all. But, as this story is not mainly about them like you might have thought, I will not go into any more detail than to say that the three of them brought me to a rich man who they would have sold me to, but the FBI came in and arrested Mr. Welbert and Herbert but left Miss Farthingham alone. Mr. Hollings was there too, and he took me home and put me in a brand new cage, just like the one I had been in before. I never did see Mr. Welbert or Herbert again, even though they both promised me they would get me someday. Neither of them hung, as I had told them, they only were in prison for twelve years. Anyways, I had now seen something more beautiful than anything and I told Mrs. Hollings that my 'wonder of the pagan gods' was not enough for me and I wanted to see the world. Mrs. Hollings was quite distressed and talked to Mr. Hollings about it. I heard both of them say “If it weren't for those thieves.”

What happened next:
I fluttered up to the foremast and called down “Land ho!”
The captain scowled. “Course there's land, we're leaving it to go to find more land. Come down here.”
I flew down and perched on his shoulder. I felt like someone important now, I had been to many more places than any bird had. As we left the Japanese shore, I could still see a few Japanese people bowing and waving, the ladies kimonos sweeping the ground. The captain went into his cabin and started counting his money.
“Don't you ever get tired of doing that?” I asked. “You should put it in a bank, they'll do it for you.”
“I don't trust banks.” he said.
“Same here. But you don't trust your crew either, that's why you always count it after being away, right?”
“Yes.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do! You are the pride of my life. I have raised you like my own child.”
“Then maybe I could guard your money when you're gone.”
“You aren't strong enough to keep anyone from stealing it. And anyways, you want to see the world like I promised you, don't you?”
“I, I thought I had!” My eyes got bigger and my wings slumped with shock that it could be any bigger than what I had seen.
“Of course there is more!” He said, rising from his chair and walking to the map on the wall. “Our next stop, Africa!” His eyes gleamed as he pointed to the place on the map. I frowned and said:
“Of course! Africa! I have heard of that place before. What will we do there?”
“Oh we'll collect things and visit the missionaries and, well you know, what we always do.”
“But. Surely there's something more there that you're interested in. I mean, you can see missionaries when they come home and you can collect things at an antique shop and see other things at a museum.”
“How did they get to the museum?” He asked. “Because of people like me who went to get them.” He rolled his eyes. “But there is more. I have heard of a treasure there that the heathens treasure more than anything else. I want it.”
“Why do you want their most prized possession, and how will you get it?”
“I want it because it is obviously worth having. And I will get it by taking it by force. Did you not see all the Japanese samurai that I hired? They are going to help me.”
“Oh. Well. You mean steal it?”
“Yes.” He sat down and continued counting his money. I flew out of the window and onto the deck. Three Japanese samurai were standing on the deck. I flew to one of them and said:
“What are you going after that's worth risking your life for?”
“It is a treasure that is worth much to our nation! And we won't be risking our lives, the heathens won't put up a good enough fight to harm us!” I fluttered over to the next one and said “Where is the treasure?”
“I'm not telling a bird!” He said and went away. I felt very insulted and went to the third.
“When will we get to Africa?” I asked.
“I don't know. Two or three weeks maybe.”
These guys were really helpful. I wished I had a laptop with an internet connection so that I could check google maps for the distance. But, not having one, I watched the sea gulls. Most of them were swooping down and catching fish. I decided to try it and flew out. It only took me a moment to spot a fish, partly because one of it's fins was out of the water, and partly because it was too big to miss. I wondered why none of the other birds had caught it, it could feed them for some time. I swooped down and grabbed it's fin in my claws and flapped my wings to go up. But I didn't go up. I pulled again on the fish and it came up. Snapping it's jaws. To this day I wonder how I escaped those terrible jaws. I let out a screech and let go. Every one on deck was watching and laughing. I flew over to the ship railing, and said with a shiver “H-how was I to know it was a-a shark?” My heart was thumping loudly and I wondered if any of them heard it. I went into the captains cabin and sat on his desk.
“Why there you are!” He said. “Where have you been?”
“Outside.” I said, unwilling to tell him of my close call, lest he should worry. I had once seen him worry about his wife. He had told her to stay in one place until he got back. It was because she had nearly been killed by an evil turkey. He did not get back from his trip for almost two months, but she hadn't moved from where she was the whole time. Such a dutiful woman! I don't think I could have done it. Therefore, I tried to prevent it.
That evening, as everyone gathered around the table to eat, one of the Japanese samurai was telling his fellow Japanese samurai about what had happened earlier. As soon as he began talking about it, I started talking to the captain so he wouldn't hear.
“Captain, what do you think the treasure will be like?” I asked.
“I'm not sure. My great grandfather told me about it a little on his deathbed. He had seen it. He gave me a map so I could find it, too. He died before he could tell me what it was, he only told me that it was worth a lot of money and he would have taken it home with him, but the heathens suspected this and poisoned him. When he got to that part, the poison began taking effect and he died only a moment later. I came home to get the things necessary to take the thing which my great grandfather had given his life to get.”
“Oh, what a sad story.” I said, wiping away a tear. “Are you planning on seeking revenge on the heathens?”
“Taking their treasure will be by far the best revenge I shall ever get. Besides, my great grandfather asked me not to kill any of them unless I had to.”
“Ah. I assume they guard such a treasure?”
“I would think so.”
“Do you think their defenses are good enough to make trouble?”
“It's possible, but I doubt it.”
We could have continued in this happy conversation for hours, but the cook, always one to pick on people came to me and said just then:
“Polly, we are out of shark meat. How about you go catch another shark for us?”
Of course, the captain had to know what he was talking about, and my whole endeavor was in vain. As soon as the captain heard of it, he took me to his cabin and really told me off.
“You are not a normal bird. Do you know that many birds die because they are normal birds? You aren't so don't copy them and you'll be safer. Anyways, I want you to be alive when we get to Africa so that the heathens will believe you are a god and do everything we ask without a fight.”
“Oh splendid!” I exclaimed. “Why didn't you tell me from the start? I would have been all the carefuller if I had known.” I now felt that I was indeed somebody. I was the cause that many people who would have otherwise died, would be let to live. My pride swelled. I was worth a fortune, I was a supernatural bird and I was, to the heathens, a god.
For the next week, the trip went fairly smoothly, except for a storm that tore the ship in half. The captain and I and four of the Japanese samurai sat in one half of the ship and the rest of the crew sat in the other half. We attached the ship with a rope so we wouldn't get separated. When the cook finished meals, I would fly over and bring them to our half of the ship. Every time I came to pick up the food, the cook would complain about the water level. On the fourth day, I went down and the cook was up to his chin in water, but he still had supper ready and still complained about the water level. I haven't seen him since. On the sixth day, everyone was complaining about being hungry. On the seventh day, we spotted a ship. As it came closer, everyone volunteered that I should fly over and bring back some food. I flew over, but I didn't bring food. Pirates lined the decks and most were loading cannons. My first thoughts were:
“Squawk!” Of course this was not smart because then they knew they had been seen and hurried more. I flew back and told the captain, and he loaded his guns and the Japanese samurai sharpened their swords. By the time the first cannonball hit our half of the ship, everyone had their hopes high that we would win the battle. By the time the second cannonball hit, the captain said:
“Blast it! I could have hired cannons and gotten more use out of them than these Japanese Samurai.” When the third cannonball hit, the Japanese Samurai were wishing they were safe at home.
After the fourth cannonball hit, the enemy boarded the ship and the battle was tremendous! I wished I could do more than peck at their eyes. After some time I heard the pirate captain shout:
“I have the map!” And the captain of our ship said:
“Ha! But only half!” And he held up the other half. The two captains went over to each other and put the map together and then the pirate said:
“Ah! Now how will I get the treasure? I need the other half!”
“So do I!” Exclaimed the captain from our ship. Unfortunately, though needless to say, the pirate took the other half and they boarded their ship again. The captain from our ship quickly caught me and said:
“Listen, you must not let that map out of your sight. Get it, and bring it to me.”
“K whatev'” I said, and flew across. The pirate was showing off the map to everyone and passing it around. I landed on his shoulder.
“Craaaw! Polly wanna cracker!” I said. The captain immediately liked me. He said so and fed me and talked to me. We sailed on all night. In the morning, I came on deck, and neither half of the ship could be seen. It hurt me deeply to know that I was all alone in the world (which I had learned was very large indeed) and the captain was dead. I went back to the pirate captain and landed on his shoulder. Everyday, I followed the captain wherever he went and at the end of another week, we were in sight of land. I made sure everyone knew about it. We all got into little boats and went to shore. We were greeted by heathens on the shore. Most of them wore necklaces and that was about all. Some had bows but most had spears. When they saw me, they decided they wanted to eat me and would have killed me if the captain hadn't bellowed:
“Leave off!” And given them lots of necklaces. It must have been just what they wanted, because they put them on and seemed to think they had more clothing on than before. They then led us to their village and treated us to lizard eggs and monkey feet. Quite a good meal. I wondered why all the pirates made faces and ate only a little. The captain then rose and said:
“We have come from far away to see you! And we have brought more gifts than what you have already been given. But we have this map and are wondering if you know where the place is.”
He handed it to one of them and he looked at it and turned it around and passed it around. After they had all looked, the first said:
“We are powerful sorry, that is the first we have ever seen. We don't know where any more are.”
The captain sighed, they couldn't read of course.
“Well! We'll just have to follow the map.” I said. I half expected the heathens to jump with fear and then bow to me like I was a god, but they ignored me and continued eating or making necklaces. We slept for a long time that night, but I woke up early because the tribal chief had picked me up. I started to squawk, but he said
“You hushum!” So I hushed. He brought me to the edge of the camp and then said:
“Most noble leader of the men who have recently arrived.” And then stopped to catch his breath so that I quickly added.
“And god of the heathens.”
“More of your subjects have landed on our shore and we wish for you to be with us when we greet them.”
I agreed and followed him to the shore where several people were laying on the shore.
“Did you kill them all?” I asked.
“No! They were like that when we found them. I think they're asleep.”
Then the whole tribe rushed out howling and shrieking their greetings. Most of the people jumped up and some drew their swords and would have fought if I hadn't told the captain and he stopped them. Our reunion was a happy one, and I asked the captain what had happened to them and he said they just floated along until they landed on the shore. They were led back to the heathens camp and everyone was woken up for another feast, but the feast never came because as soon as the pirates recognized the captain and his crew, a great battle began and the heathens backed off and had a council of battle about whose side they should join. They quickly decided that the pirates had given them the necklaces and they would give them more if they helped. But then they all changed their minds, because if they killed all the pirates, they could take all the necklaces and be rewarded greatly. Some argument came up about this and before it was decided, the battle was over with the pirates running into the jungle, fleeing for their lives. The others stayed for the rest of the night, and in the morning they all got up and we had a feast. The whole time, the captain told them about how he was trying to find a treasure and would reward anyone who came with him because he had lost all but three of his Japanese Samurai in the battle the night before. Nobody wanted to go with us, however, so in the end, we set off in search of it alone. But the captain was worried, because the pirates still had the map.
“We must get it!” He said as we set out. He knew how to start, but not much more. We had to find the pirates, and of course, it was me who was chosen to fly out in search of them. I flew up above the treetops and searched the jungle floor for the pirates. At first, all I saw were a few cougars and tigers, but then, after a closer look, I saw. Well I started to see, but before I was sure of what I saw, Something grabbed me and pulled me down. I must say, up to that point, nothing so frightening had ever happened before, for at that moment, I realized that the two cougars and tigers were not in sight anymore, and something was behind me and it might be anything. Naturally, I squawked. It turned out to be a native African boy. He took me home and showed me to his mom, but I pretended to be sick, so she made him get rid of me.
“Do you want a disease?” She shrieked. “Get rid of that creature at once!”
He complained that it hadn't been like that when he caught it. It being me. As soon as he put me down, I flew away and I heard him yell “I knew you were tricking!”
I flew back to where I had been, only higher than the treetops so no African boy could catch me again. I saw the pirates, and watched them as they all looked at the map, trying to figure out where they were. I flew down, and the captain looked up and said “Oh there you are.” And looked back at the map. After a minute he said “Oh!” And everyone looked at him and he began explaining what he thought it meant. Of course, since no one else could figure anything better out, they all agreed and started off. As I expected, they were wrong, and in less than four hours, they had all decided they were lost. Nothing on the map looked like anything around them. They tried going back, but everything looked the same. I landed on the pirate captains shoulder and said:
“Look, I'm not on any ones side in this thing, so if you follow me, I'll get you out of this mess.”
“If you're on no ones side, how can we trust you?” The captain said.
“Because I am the only one who knows the way out, and you'll be no worse off if I am lying.”
The captain sighed and said “Very well, get us out of here.”
I led them back to where they had started, and they all thanked me. Then they all began looking at the map again. I waited around for some time looking at the map. Finally I said:
“Uh hmm! Attend to me! I see the way and the hardest work you must do is follow me, which will be quite easy.” The captain pointed out that I had helped before and surely was helping now. So they all followed me. After some time, we came to the place I was looking for, The lions napping place. As soon as the pirates saw the lions, they dropped their things and ran. I was able to grab the bag with the map, fly back to the others and drop it down to them and get back before any of the lions attacked. They were all slinking with their bellies to the ground, slowly forward toward the terrified pirates, who huddled in their trees. I flew to the captain and said, “You have your gun, haven't you?” And he exclaimed:
“By George! So I have!” So he drew it out and shot all the lions as they came up to him. Then he turned to me and said “I have a mind to do the same to you!”
“Me?” I cried. “But I have only ever helped you. The map led this way, so here we are.”
He accepted this and we continued on, but it wasn't long before the captain noticed that he had left his bag with the map, and insisted on going back for it. So we all sat and waited for him. None of us ever saw him again though, except me, who, upon flying out in search of him, saw one remaining lion and one empty gun and a few bones. On reporting back, an argument broke out about who was to be captain in his place, and as they argued, the others slipped past unnoticed and I followed. The captain thanked me, and said they would surely have more trouble from them. We didn't. I remember gunshots and then silence. None of them got a proper burial, though it was suggested by me. After walking about a hundred yards from where the pirates had been fighting, we came to a small African village. To the Africans, it was big. It was the largest village in Africa, and their main city. There were only about fifty people in the village. After talking to a few, it was found that a plague had gone through the village. There used to be about one hundred. We stayed overnight, and in the morning, the tribal chief left the village and the captain sent me to follow him, hoping he would lead me to the treasure, because that was as far as the map went, saying the tribal chief was the only one who knew where to find it. I followed him to a place where the trees parted and he went into it. I waited just out of it so he wouldn't see me. After he came out, I went in.
“Squawk!!!” I squawked. Inside was one of the pagan gods I had always talked about. Of course this must be the treasure, because it was made out of gold. I flew over and sat on its head. Just as I was deciding whether to go back and lead the others there or not, I looked up and saw him. Of course, I had never seen him before, but I knew it was him right away. He came over to me and sat down beside me and said:
“I have been looking for you for a long time.” I immediately decided not to waste time going back to the captain. We flew away together to live happily ever after.