*waves dramatically* HI!! haha, this time last year I couldn't stop wondering "What am I gonna do after I graduate?"..Now i'm astounded that I used to have free time. I'm taking creative writing classes online, and the last one took was mostly ...erm, essay? yeah, we'll go with that one..The last class I took was Essay/personal exploration type writing, so I didn't have much time to write poetry or fiction. But, guess who has a 2 week break :)!
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The Empty Girl,
Wrapped in a mirror
All Icy blue
All that can be seen is you
In poverty, in wealth
In sickness, in health
The Empty girl,
appears to know it all
to have felt
all that you have ever been through
Mirrors hiding in a maze
Fakeness masking the daze
The Empty Girl,
floating above the ground
nothing to
tether her feet to the dirty earth
Nothing left to grow dreams
She is not how she seems
The Empty Girl,
Make-up covering the scars
and shielding
her wounds from the freezing stares
No heart left, no dreams remain
Once upon a time left a stain
Comments
I completely agree! I got
I completely agree! I got away from rhyming about the time I stopped posting on the site- thanks for the critique.
A poem begins as a lump in the thoat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness -Robert Frost
Emilee @ http://fantasticalpaperrealm.blogspot.com/
Hi! Not sure if I've ever
Hi! Not sure if I've ever read any of your stuff before..
Thanks for your comment on my poetry the other day, appreciate it!
I think the ideas behind the poem is fantastic. They could be expanded upon much more. I read a couple of your other poems and the one thing that annoys me is the rhyming. Might sound like harsh criticism but I think you could cut back a lot on the rhyming. Try experimenting without it. It will come in time, as will the rhythm to go along with it, but sometimes rhyming can be done without.
JUST realised this was posted two years ago...whoops...
Goodbye? Oh no, please. Can’t we just go back to page one and start all over again?” – Winnie The Pooh