This all just happened so fast that I can’t even figure out how it started anymore. And what has happened? What is happening? I’m not even sure that any of this is real. I guess it doesn’t really matter though, if it’s real or not. Whether time travel exists or doesn’t, I promised Aaron I’d decide.
Maybe I could just go with them to make sure nothing crazy happens.
What am I saying? To go with them is to assume that something crazy will inevitably happen. Regardless, I need to decide by tomorrow.
I feel like I have one foot hanging over the edge of the cliff while the other is planted on solid ground. I can’t stay like this forever, I need to choose. Aaron called it a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Really, it’s more like a once-and-a-lifetime choice. I could step off the cliff of insanity, or stay in the hurricane of reason.
But you know what the truly insane thing is? Looking at this choice, my mind keeps telling me there’s only one way. I love my life as it is. I love my mom and dad, my brother, my friends. I’ve even started to kind of tolerate Cameron. So why is it that I feel like there’s this gaping hole of darkness in my memory with a big, neon, light-up arrow pointing towards alternate realities.
I want to jump, and that’s what really scares me.
Every time I’ve travelled to other worlds, even if it’s only happened twice, I’ve seen a mirror of myself before I stepped through. It’s made me think- what will I come to see in the mirror if I go down this path? What I see now is a person made up of ideas, words, experiences, and actions who is standing in the middle of a path that curves off into two directions. That’s what people always talk about as making us who we are- the things we’ve been through. But that’s not really true, is it? No, I think that when I finish my journey and look at myself in the mirror, it won’t be what I am that stands out to me as different. It will be where I am.
Where do I want to be?