For me, "spare time" has become something very precious and "bought" at a high price. My time seems to be evaporating around me. Do you ever have that feeling? I don’t seem to ever have time for "good ole" doing nothing. I can feel so trapped, as if I’m belted down by 3 straps: Latin, Geometry and Chemistry. The good thing is I have 3 indispensable allies. They are: 1, the most intelligent geometry answer book in the world. It somehow always has the right answer! 2, the back of my Latin book. (verb conjugations and dictionary.) It has never forgotten a word! And finally, 3, a high-lighter pen, the inseparable companion to my chemistry book. It has the capacity to light up my path of review, and makes reading a florescent experience. Without these friends I would be lost, but even with my daily adventures with them, I grow weary. Again the cage image floats into my brain. There comes a time when I simply can’t take it anymore, and I throw off my shackles and let it all go—the coming due dates, important things I have to remember, and the habit of studying.... Those things may be essential, but I don’t have to think about them all the time.
This brings me to what I really wanted to write about: that "spare time." Generally speaking, it seems as though a lot of people spend that time watching a movie/TV. It makes sense. Movies are a ticket to forgetting what you "have" to do -- a ticket into another world, a world where you are only a spectator. You don’t have to say anything; you don’t have to be anything. You’re simply watching. Also, at least for me, it’s very interesting. I put myself in their shoes, I can freely scrutinize their appearance and, you know, I think it’s reassuring. "Well, that’s what I would do if I were them." I am always wishing I knew my future, and by watching a movie, I try out, in a way, what it would be like if that happened to me. After saying all this, it might sound funny to you that I rarely watch TV, and when I do watch a movie, it’s generally never "PG-13" ( not to mention "R". ) O.K. now you think I’m really crazy. Right? Well, maybe I am, or at least we could safely say I’m different, but I do have my reasons....
On the practical side of things, I would say I rarely have the time to watch movies, and when I do have some time on my hands, though I really do enjoy watching movies, most often there is something else I feel I want to do. For one thing, having a 4 year old sister who (since my last apricot writing) has become an all out tyrant, the rest of us need to take turns "playing" and keeping her "nerves" in control. Also, being so busy, I haven’t had time to do things with my 13 year old brother and 8 year old sister. Even shopping with my mom is becoming less of a fact of life and more of a special treat. So when I do have the time, usually "watching a movie" isn’t first on my list.
The real mystery concerns why, when I do have time to watch movies, I don’t watch anything rated "PG-13", which basically is all that plays in movie theaters, and which seems to be what everyone else my age watches. (Again, not to mention "R", which there are plenty of in movie theaters.) Well, for one, since I’ve hardly ever watched "PG-13’s" , I have never gotten used to seeing nudity, sex, violence, and bad language on television. In other words it really hits me when I watch it, and it probably affects me more then it would other people because I’m not used to it. And, I don’t want to become used to it. I don’t see how watching that is going to help me. I see it lowering the way I think, and even affecting the way I feel about myself.
O.K. that’s a big reason, at least for me, but beyond that, it makes me really mad to think that "Hollywood" has the power to influence how we think. As I said before, when we watch a movie, we’re doing a lot of observing, kind of "soaking" it in. And it seems to me, that "Hollywood" uses its influence negatively to tell us all sorts of things. They tell us what is beautiful, what is just, what is heroic. They tell us what love is, what fear is, what bravery is. They tell us how to dress, how to speak. They tell us how to fall in love, how to hate, and how to hurt—all according to Hollywood. I find this powerful, but unhealthy influence catches me off my guard. I’m so absorbed in the movie, that, I have a hard time keeping my thoughts, and my feelings, together. It’s so much easier to let myself, in a way, become those people I’m watching, and agree with the way they think -- agree with their choices, etc. This absorption points out the difference between reading and watching. When I’m reading I can pause, judge my characters, understand how I feel about them, but when I’m watching it’s all so close at hand, immediate, and in my face. I don’t like losing my power that way. I hate the idea of "Hollywood" being the source of moral standard all over the world.
I’ll tell you, though, this choice of mine can get me into trouble. It’s almost comical. "Have you watched --?" Or "What about --?" And "You did see – didn’t you?" The shameful reply is, "Ah, no." Another problem is I’m just about the worst at actors’/actresses’ names. Emma Thompson, Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry, ( both of who’re in our favorite, "Jeeves and Wooster") Laurence Olivier, Harrison Ford, Angela Langsbury, and Jimmy Stewart, and maybe a few others, make up my vocabulary. It sounds pathetic, doesn’t it? I can feel quite alone, too. Everyone watches movies. It’s a fact of nature, a fact of life. If I did give in and watched what’s playing in movie theaters, it probably would really help at times when there’s nothing to talk about, when I don’t know anybody, and I need to break the ice (like at confirmation classes.) It would be a sort of "olive branch". "Did you see that movie?" and "Wasn’t it neat?!". Something we’d have in common.... The thing is, I don’t want to have that in common. As much as it would be nice to have something in common, I’m not willing to sacrifice my independence from "Hollywood" for that. Though it’s hard, I like the feeling of not going along with the crowd.
As I sit here, I feel panic rustling in my brain. It’s already Saturday night. What about all that catch up work for Latin I was going to do before Monday? What about those Chemistry experiments? Will I ever learn that recipe for Time? But before I give myself up to these thoughts and enter that whole world again, I just want to say that I’ve written this whole—whatever you call it, (essay?) Not to tell you to stop watching "PG-13" movies. No, I’m writing this to those out there who feel as if they must, to be accepted in the world, watch "PG-13" movies. I’m writing to those who feel there isn’t a choice, that that’s just what you do. You really don’t have to! Trust me.
Beatrice
If you’re interested in movies that I do like, I could make a list, and post it on apricot. Also, I would love to hear from you. What movies ( that would fit my "high" standards) do you like? I could post those as well! To write to me, just click on "comments" at the top of the page.
This brings me to what I really wanted to write about: that "spare time." Generally speaking, it seems as though a lot of people spend that time watching a movie/TV. It makes sense. Movies are a ticket to forgetting what you "have" to do -- a ticket into another world, a world where you are only a spectator. You don’t have to say anything; you don’t have to be anything. You’re simply watching. Also, at least for me, it’s very interesting. I put myself in their shoes, I can freely scrutinize their appearance and, you know, I think it’s reassuring. "Well, that’s what I would do if I were them." I am always wishing I knew my future, and by watching a movie, I try out, in a way, what it would be like if that happened to me. After saying all this, it might sound funny to you that I rarely watch TV, and when I do watch a movie, it’s generally never "PG-13" ( not to mention "R". ) O.K. now you think I’m really crazy. Right? Well, maybe I am, or at least we could safely say I’m different, but I do have my reasons....
On the practical side of things, I would say I rarely have the time to watch movies, and when I do have some time on my hands, though I really do enjoy watching movies, most often there is something else I feel I want to do. For one thing, having a 4 year old sister who (since my last apricot writing) has become an all out tyrant, the rest of us need to take turns "playing" and keeping her "nerves" in control. Also, being so busy, I haven’t had time to do things with my 13 year old brother and 8 year old sister. Even shopping with my mom is becoming less of a fact of life and more of a special treat. So when I do have the time, usually "watching a movie" isn’t first on my list.
The real mystery concerns why, when I do have time to watch movies, I don’t watch anything rated "PG-13", which basically is all that plays in movie theaters, and which seems to be what everyone else my age watches. (Again, not to mention "R", which there are plenty of in movie theaters.) Well, for one, since I’ve hardly ever watched "PG-13’s" , I have never gotten used to seeing nudity, sex, violence, and bad language on television. In other words it really hits me when I watch it, and it probably affects me more then it would other people because I’m not used to it. And, I don’t want to become used to it. I don’t see how watching that is going to help me. I see it lowering the way I think, and even affecting the way I feel about myself.
O.K. that’s a big reason, at least for me, but beyond that, it makes me really mad to think that "Hollywood" has the power to influence how we think. As I said before, when we watch a movie, we’re doing a lot of observing, kind of "soaking" it in. And it seems to me, that "Hollywood" uses its influence negatively to tell us all sorts of things. They tell us what is beautiful, what is just, what is heroic. They tell us what love is, what fear is, what bravery is. They tell us how to dress, how to speak. They tell us how to fall in love, how to hate, and how to hurt—all according to Hollywood. I find this powerful, but unhealthy influence catches me off my guard. I’m so absorbed in the movie, that, I have a hard time keeping my thoughts, and my feelings, together. It’s so much easier to let myself, in a way, become those people I’m watching, and agree with the way they think -- agree with their choices, etc. This absorption points out the difference between reading and watching. When I’m reading I can pause, judge my characters, understand how I feel about them, but when I’m watching it’s all so close at hand, immediate, and in my face. I don’t like losing my power that way. I hate the idea of "Hollywood" being the source of moral standard all over the world.
I’ll tell you, though, this choice of mine can get me into trouble. It’s almost comical. "Have you watched --?" Or "What about --?" And "You did see – didn’t you?" The shameful reply is, "Ah, no." Another problem is I’m just about the worst at actors’/actresses’ names. Emma Thompson, Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry, ( both of who’re in our favorite, "Jeeves and Wooster") Laurence Olivier, Harrison Ford, Angela Langsbury, and Jimmy Stewart, and maybe a few others, make up my vocabulary. It sounds pathetic, doesn’t it? I can feel quite alone, too. Everyone watches movies. It’s a fact of nature, a fact of life. If I did give in and watched what’s playing in movie theaters, it probably would really help at times when there’s nothing to talk about, when I don’t know anybody, and I need to break the ice (like at confirmation classes.) It would be a sort of "olive branch". "Did you see that movie?" and "Wasn’t it neat?!". Something we’d have in common.... The thing is, I don’t want to have that in common. As much as it would be nice to have something in common, I’m not willing to sacrifice my independence from "Hollywood" for that. Though it’s hard, I like the feeling of not going along with the crowd.
As I sit here, I feel panic rustling in my brain. It’s already Saturday night. What about all that catch up work for Latin I was going to do before Monday? What about those Chemistry experiments? Will I ever learn that recipe for Time? But before I give myself up to these thoughts and enter that whole world again, I just want to say that I’ve written this whole—whatever you call it, (essay?) Not to tell you to stop watching "PG-13" movies. No, I’m writing this to those out there who feel as if they must, to be accepted in the world, watch "PG-13" movies. I’m writing to those who feel there isn’t a choice, that that’s just what you do. You really don’t have to! Trust me.
Beatrice
If you’re interested in movies that I do like, I could make a list, and post it on apricot. Also, I would love to hear from you. What movies ( that would fit my "high" standards) do you like? I could post those as well! To write to me, just click on "comments" at the top of the page.
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