The Lord of the Rings: Shortened Version: Part One
Frodo: *Is reading*
Gandalf: Hullo, Frodo!
Frodo: Hi. It's been a long time. *Hops in wagon*
Gandalf: It has indeed!
Frodo: You know that you're a peace disturber, right?
Gandalf: This kind of peace? *Holds up index and middle finger*
Frodo: No, stupid. Just...The...peace..kid of peace...Anyway, you've been officially labeled that. We made it all official. We wrote it down and even had the President sign it!
Gandalf. Of course. My mistake.
Bilbo: Come to my eleventy-first birthday party, all Hobbits of the Shire!
All Hobbits of the Shire: *Come to Bilbo’s eleventy-first birthday party*
Bilbo: I’ve had a great time, but I have to leave now. Goodbye! *Disappears*
Hobbits: *Gasp*
*Bilbos house*
Gandalf: Bilbo, I want you to give Frodo your Ring.
Bilbo: I don’t want to. It’s mine…my own. My Precious.
Gandalf: It’s been called that before. Now give it to Frodo, I say!
Bilbo: K fine. Well, I’m off! Goodbye, Gandude, and may we meet again!
Gandalf: Bye-bye.
*Back at Bilbos birthday party, just after Bilbo disappeared*
Frodo: *Shrugs* That uncle of mine. *Goes to uncles house* *Sees Gandalf*
Oh hi Gandalf. What are you doing?
Gandalf: Bilbo just left. He gave you his Ring.
Frodo: Oh, cool!
Gandalf: Yeah. Now meet me at the Prancing Pony Inn in Bree, k? And then I’ll tell you what to do.
Frodo: Okay. *Starts packing*
Gandalf: You know the Dark Lord wants it.
Frodo: Yes.
Gandalf: Okay. Then keep it safe and secret.
Frodo: K.
Gandalf: Don’t let anyone find it. Don’t tell them about it. Sam, why are you eves dropping? *Pulls Sam in through window by ears* Now you have to go with Frodo and be his servant.
Sam: K fine.
Gandalf: I have to go now. Ta-ta!
Frodo: *Is walking through Farmer Maggots corn crops with Sam*
Sam: I don’t wanna go no further. I’ve never been any farther from home.
Frodo: There’s nothing to fear. We’re still in the Shire.
Pippin: *Jumps out with Merry*
Frodo: What are you doing? Oh, stealing the farmers mushrooms?
Merry: Yeah. RUN! Here he comes!
Pippin: We honestly didn't take that much.
Merry: Right. Just some mushrooms and carrots.
Pippin: He's clearly over reacting.
*They escape Farmer Maggot*
Frodo: Something creepy’s on the road. Let’s go.
*Hides*
Frodo: Oooh, it’s a creepy black thing!
Sam: Racist…
Frodo: *Tries to put Ring on*
Sam: *Stops him* Don’t do that, dummy.
Creepy Black Thing: *Goes away*
Frodo: Okay, let’s go.
*They start going to ferry boat place*
Frodo: Um, Sam? There’s another of the Creepy Black Things behind us. Run!
*All run, but Frodo gets delayed by Creepy Black Thing*
*Sam and Merry and Pippin get in boat*
Sam: Run, Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: *Outruns Creepy Things horse and jumps in boat* Phew! *Wipes sweat off forehead*
*Bree* *It’s raining*
Frodo: *Bangs on gate*
Man: *Opens window in gate* Whaddaya’ want?
Frodo: *Rolls eyes* We want to fly to the moon. What do you think? We’re soaking wet and we want in so we can go to the inn before we drown out here.
Man: Sorry. *Let’s them in*
*They go in* *They find the Prancing Pony* *They go in*
Frodo: Hi Butterbur. We want to see Gandalf.
Butterbur: He ain’t here and I ha’nt seen ‘em in six months.
Frodo: Oh. *Walks over to table with other hobbits trailing behind* Sam, you’re my slave. Go get us all some beer.
Sam: Am not. I’m your servant. But I’ll get it anyways.
Frodo: *Sees creepy man staring at him* Butterbur, who is that creep that’s staring at me over there?
Butterbur: That’s Strider the Ranger. He’s a creep. Just ignore him.
Frodo: *Gets the idea to dance around and sing* The cow jumped over the moon! *Jumps and puts Ring on*
Strider: *Picks Frodo up and carries him into his room* Well, what was that for?
Frodo: I dunno. Would you tell me about the Creepy Black Things that have been following us, Strider?
Strider: Sure. And I’m Aragorn, son of Arathorn. The Creepy Black Things that have been following you are called Black Riders, Nazgul, or Ring Wraiths. Or just Wraiths.
Frodo: How come?
Strider: ‘Cause they like the thing you carry around your neck. They’re following you because they want you and it.
Frodo: Oh.
Strider: So you and the other three shorties can just sleep with me.
Frodo: K.
Strider: Come on. *Fixes beds in room to look like someone short are on them*
*They all go to Striders room*
Nazgul: *Come in and stab all four beds* *Are angry no one is really in them* *Leave*
Frodo: That was seriously ominous.
Strider: Yeah. Now let’s go.
Frodo: Okay. Come on, hobbits.
*They leave and go to Weathertop*
Strider: I’m going for a bit. You go to sleep. *Leaves*
*Nazgul come*
Frodo: Uh-oh! *Puts Ring on*
Nazgul: *Stabs Frodo’s shoulder*
Frodo: YOWEEE!!!!!
Strider: *Comes and shoos Black Riders away*
Arwen: *Comes* Hi, Arry! I’m going to take the shorty to Rivendell before he turns into a Wraith so he can get better.
Aragorn: Okay. We’ll follow you.
Sam: She’s stealing Glorfindels place.
Arwen: Got a problem? PJ can do it how he wants.
Sam: *Sticks tongue out*
Arwen: *Rides off with Frodo*
Nazgul: We’re coming.
Arwen: *Talks to water* Water, water, wash away, oh water, water please obey, wash away the Creepy Things, let them go and fly on wings.
Frodo: That was weird...
Arwen: It works. Now shut up. You’re supposed to be unconscious.
Frodo: I wasn’t in the book.
Arwen: This isn’t the book, stupid. Now get unconscious.
Frodo: But I hate dping that. Whenever I roll my eyes back in my head, it makes me feel like a zombie.
Arwen:*Through clinched teeth* Get unconscious. NOW.
Frodo: K fine. *Gets unconscious*
Arwen: *Goes to Rivendell*