Writing in Fragments
You have no idea.
I care so much that nothing makes sense anymore.
My thoughts circulate and come to nothing.
I want to be a child, but I want to be mature.
I’m not sure what I want anymore.
But I want something desperately.
I want everything to be clear.
But everything culminates in confusion.
My mind is whirring, but it’s all sound.
I want to study, but I need to sleep.
I try so hard to relax that my tension increases.
Feeling bipolar.
So many things I need to know.
But I can’t ask.
So many words to say.
But what if no one wants to hear them?
Incompetence seems the definition of my character.
I want to amaze myself.
But I simply disappoint.
I want to be wiser, I want to explore.
But I feel trapped in my own inadequacy.
I feel like I’m in a fairy tale.
I feel like I’m the narrator.
I want to be a lover.
Or maybe being the narrator is my best situation.
I don’t know.
I repeat myself. Particularly one phrase:
I don’t know.
I hate my repetition. It’s an excuse for expression.
My lack of creativity surrounds me.
It engulfs me in its abysmal depths of insipidity.
My quiescence irritates me.
But I don’t improve the silence.
I can’t communicate how much I care.
I have an aura of indifference.
Must passion be shown?
There is a strength in silence.
I see others proclaim their feelings.
But does proclamation make the feelings more real?
People feel justified in showing the world what they think.
Because they think it. It’s real.
But are there some things that are better hidden?
Is suppression always bad?
Is it more noble to hide, or to hurt?
Rhetorical questions which people need to answer.
I feel like a horrific failure.
But I feel too blessed to be a failure.
I have so many things for which to be grateful.
But sometimes this adds to my feeling of insignificance.
I can never deserve what I want.
My thoughts need to obey my intentions.
I feel that I should be optimistic.
But only because it’s the right way of thinking.
My mood completely ignores my reason.
I don’t know.
Feeling bipolar.
My thoughts circulate and come to nothing.
Comments
Wow, Amy, this was amazing.
Wow, Amy, this was amazing. It really struck a chord with me - probably because I feel the same way a lot lately. "I can't communicate how much I care"... "I feel like a horrific failure but I feel too blessed to be a failure"... "I can never deserve what I want"...
This was really powerful. You took my feelings and put them into words. Thank you for writing this.
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Brother: Your character should drive a motorcycle.
Me: He can't. He's in the wilderness.
Brother: Then make it a four-wheel-drive motorcycle!
I love this!
Lines of it especially...
"I want to be a child, but I want to be mature." - So true - finding the balance between child-likeness and maturity.
"I feel like I’m in a fairy tale./ I feel like I’m the narrator./ I want to be a lover." - I know that feeling, too!
"Must passion be shown? There is a strength in silence. I see others proclaim their feelings. But does proclamation make the feelings more real?" - This part, too. And the few lines following it... I don't usually proclaim my feelings... so sometimes others don't think they're real. But they're just as real... and I think sometimes even more real than if proclaimed.
I have felt this. O_O "I
I have felt this. O_O
"I feel like a horrific failure./But I feel too blessed to be a failure."
Got won't abandon you to be a failure. That's all I know.
Wow, Amy, this was well
Wow, Amy, this was well done. I can sympathize with...everything!
I can’t communicate how much I care.
I have an aura of indifference.
Must passion be shown?
There is a strength in silence.
I see others proclaim their feelings.
But does proclamation make the feelings more real?
People feel justified in showing the world what they think.
Because they think it. It’s real.
But are there some things that are better hidden?
Is suppression always bad?
Is it more noble to hide, or to hurt?
That reminds me of "Sense and Sensibility"...and at the same time I can totally understand.
Thanks for sharing!
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"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -Bilbo Baggins [The Lord of the Rings]
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments!
eh, such is the life of a writer....
trust me: this too will pass. been there, got the t-shirt. it sucks bigtime....but it won't last forever. faith will bloom again, creativity will burst forth. the darkness will turn to the dawn. you will fly from the ashes, a phoenix, reborn again. hang in there. things DO get better.