I know nobody likes change.  Unless it’s clearly a change for the better; but it pretty much has to smack you across the face and tell you definitively that it is a great, great thing for you to be sure that it’s for the better while it’s still happening.  So, basically people hate change, and it’s just a matter of accepting it gracefully. If that’s the case, I seem to be rather uncoordinated when it comes to this acceptance stuff.

     Uncertainty just begs to be speculated on. Once I start speculating, I plummet into very bad, overly-analytical days and just wallow in them.  It makes me feel overly-emotional, obnoxious, and extremely sick of always trying to be strong.

     I get angry with myself for worrying about everything. Perhaps sometimes I’m right; sometimes I should just stop being overdramatic and move on. But, shocking though it may seem, thinking is not inherently bad. I know, right? Who knew? And maybe it is okay to be upset. Sometimes you get the feeling that you’re making yourself be happy all the time, and it’s a relief to just admit that you’re extremely unhappy, and you’re tired of smiling about it.  Maybe it is actually necessary to spend some time hiding in a practice room playing piano music to yourself and crying your eyes out.

   Often there aren’t really any particular results of having a wretched day, except, well, having spent the day feeling wretched. Nobody comes and holds you till you feel better; you’re not five anymore (which is perhaps unfortunate). Nothing actually changes.  And once you’re miserable, you’re just caught in a bog of frustration. You realize how much time you just spent being depressed. Which is depressing. Hence, you continue to be depressed, and realize all kinds of other things you’ve actually been upset about for a really long time.

     However, focused sadness—admitting that there is something in particular that makes you feel a certain way, identifying it, crying about it, praying about it, possibly even rambling about it until you have no more words to say—I think that may be underrated.