I never knew You
until I knew You wanted me
until I knew You were fighting for me
I never knew You were running after me
pushing through the clutter, arms stretched out trying to reach me
I never knew You hadn’t taken a moment’s rest
since that first moment
I catch the noise at last
turn and see You lunging through the crowd
of my other loves
Your hands and feet cut and bleeding
I never realized you were shouting out loud
shouting my name
I hear what others aren’t saying about me
louder than I hear Your voice*

I never knew myself
until I knew You wanted me
until I knew You were fighting for me
I never knew You were staring at me
eyes transfixed on my half-turned face
I never knew You hadn’t once blinked or looked away
since that first moment
I glance Your way at last
turn and feel Your eyes locking onto mine
as You struggle after me
Your adoration pushes through my self-constructed walls
I never realized how close You were
and how far I was keeping You
I see the way things aren’t
clearer than I see Your face

I never knew You
until I dared to see that You live to give Yourself to me
even when I live with my back turned
and my heart a broken vase of pieces scattered in the wind
until I dared to look at Your love
to believe You mean it
that I am worth Your dying
that You don’t want to live without me
I never knew You
until I knew You never change
betrayed daily
as I give away my heart to so many other things
You run harder than ever
You knock over everything that stands between us
in Your jealous love
zealous love
love that will not let me go

Until I knew you wanted me
until I knew You were fighting for me
I never knew

*(Angela Thomas, Do You Think I’m Beautiful?)