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Anna wrote it with me. It's just the slightest bit sexist, but all in good fun-- not seriously at all.

INTRODUCTION:

Every superhero has his embarrassments, and every superhero has his girl. Sometimes the girl is the embarrassment, but we think it’s likely that things went the other way too. It’s a more-than-twice-told tale, but here we’re telling it again. So, without further ado…

PHYSIQUA:

Scenarios of a superhero and his girl

“Are you coming?” Lacey yelled up the staircase, standing by the open door.

“Oh, I’m coming,” David called down. With a crazed battle cry, he dashed down the hall, leaped off the top step, slid down the railing, swung from the chandelier, and crashed feet-first through the round window.

She groaned inwardly, watching through the door as he landed in a crouch. He rose slowly, majestically, as glass shattered and danced around him, catching the fading sunlight. As a slight breeze pushed a curl onto his forehead, he glanced over his shoulder, his face ready for her adulation with a mysterious smile.

“Honestly? You couldn’t just walk through the door?” she said flatly.

His eyes widened, his smile faltering. “Well… Um…”
“No, instead you had to smash my very expensive window--stained glass, might I add--”

“I just thought… Don’t you think I’m cool at all?”

“No. And just so you know, I’m suing you when you’re done saving the world.”

She spun on her heel and stalked inside.

“Women! They have no appreciation for awesomeness!” he cried, throwing his hands in the air. “Well, I thought it was attractive.” He craned his neck in her direction and yelled, “So, does this mean we’re not on for the movie? …No? I’ll call you in the morning?”

She came back to the doorway and gave him a look, one eyebrow arched. He knew that look.

“Uh, you complete me!” he blurted as the door slammed in his face.

Physiqua (His powers are physical enhancements)

Lacey and David were walking on the beach. The sun was shining brightly making their shadows dance in odd ways. David stopped short. “What is it?” asked Lacey.

 “I hear someone in trouble. I’m sorry, Lacey; I’ve gotta swim across the lake and rescue the damsel in distress!”

“We—” Lacey started to say, but was cut off by Dave running into the water. Physiqua moved his arms through the water gracefully. He could feel the sun on his back and he could hear the screams for help coming from the other side of the lake. His powerful arms ripped through the water, sending him to more fame and glory. The sound of the scream was interrupted by a humming sound. He poked his head out of the water so he could see what the sound was. There on a jet ski was Lacey. She was gaining on him with a determined look. She drove by, spraying water on his face. Five minutes later Physiqua was on the other side of the beach panting heavily, and there was Lacey and the formerly distressed damsel, eating ice cream cones.

“I tried to tell you we could take the jet ski.” Lacey paused a moment to take a lick of ice cream, then continued, “but YOU decided to run into the water like a madman.” She paused, looking at the ice cream, then up at Dave. “Would you like a lick of cookie dough?” she said, smiling.

“Lacey, I’m sorry—I have to miss out on the dinner, but I hear some guy calling for aid!”

“All right, just remember who you are. Don’t let the media change you into who they want. Don’t let them change my David.”

“Uh… Okay. No media change, win the hearts of the people, sign a few autographs, and pick up Taco Bell on my way back. Don’t worry, I’ll get you your usual,” he said with a self-adoring smile.

Lacey sighed but gave him a reassuring smile. “Go win their hearts,” she said.

Physiqua ran out the door majestically. He jumped from building to building and landed on one high enough to give him a view of what was happening below. Nothing was. David looked around, confused. To his left was a man with a horrified look on his face.

“Dude, you need to leave! Physiqua is going to come and ‘save’ me. I actually have a rooftop dinner set up. So please leave.”

“Sir, I am Physiqua!” David said with wind blowing onto his face.

“WHAT?!! You’re Physiqua?! I thought Physiqua was a girl! Never mind, I don’t need saving!”

The man stomped off, leaving poor David there, confused and forlorn. He pulled out his cell phone then hit speed dial. “Hey, Lacey. Someone took my name for a girl’s again. What did you want from Taco Bell?”